Aimless Wonderer

Aimless Wonderer has moved...

2010-07-10T22:10:00.001-05:00

...and is no longer so aimless.

Check out my new blog, La Belle in France: same blogger, different blog, renewed vitality.

The End?

2010-01-12T14:15:00.002-05:00

It's funny. It has been months since I've posted anything and still I feel as if I have nothing to say. I'm still as Aimless a Wonderer as ever, if not more so than before, and yet I feel as if this blog has reached its end. We'll just have to see.

Realistic Dreams

2009-08-27T09:42:00.009-05:00

I had this dream that I was trying to cross the Golden Gate Bridge. When I got to the beginning where it's ocean and not rocky shore line, a deep heavy fog swarmed everything that was underneath and all that was below.

I panicked.

I couldn't move forward and I froze.

"I can't!" I yelled.

"I can't. Not without seeing what is below or ahead. I can't move."

It's so weird that that is exactly how I am feeling now. I am at this point where there is a bridge I must cross: I've come to the end of university life and much cross the bridge to what's next. Yet I have no idea what is ahead of me nor do I know what will catch me should I fall. I'm scared and frozen. I don't want to move forward without knowing what I am moving towards. I've always known what was next and now, suddenly, I don't.

In fact, I feel so devastatingly lonely. I feel as if I am going to fall off the edge and will remain a nobody, forgotten, swallowed by the monstrous fog. I'm going to leave where I live now and be forgotten. Someone else is going to move into my apartment. The University town will have a complete turnover and all that made it what I know will have vanished. I will have made it through my 5.5 years of college without building any lasting friendships... instead destroying (even if unintentional) the only ones I had. I will have made it through college single. My one great adventure was France and now that's passed. What's next?

Void. Fog. A bridge that links me to what? To who?

Meet Maiden - My New Deaf Kitten

2009-08-13T18:49:00.003-05:00

About two weeks ago, I was walking to work and decided that since I was early I would take a moment to visit the kittens at a pet store that was on the way. The store allows everyone to play with their kittens and puppies. Usually it's packed with high school students, freshman, or mothers with small children and as a result the animals are exhausted but since it was a week day morning I found the rooms empty and the kittens ready to be loved and entertained.

I was being swarmed by many playful tabbies and didn't notice the approach of a sweet-eyed pure white kitten. She greeted me by gently pouncing on my knees, then she looked directly at my face, our blue eyes staring at each other with equal amazement and curiosity. She settled right into my lap and after having the benefit of my full attention, she settled down on a blanket next to me.

After about an hour I forced myself to walk away. I had to be to work but before I left I mentally selected two kittens that I would hypothetically take home with me if it were only the right time. I even picked out names. Of course she was one of them and after some deliberation, I settled on Maiden - as in Fair Maiden and also because the name reminds me of Maid Marianne from Robin Hood.

Then I got too busy to dwell on them though my heart still ached for a kitty.

A friend came to visit this week and one morning we decided to visit the little store and play with the kittens and puppies. Maiden was still there. Her big blue eyes had changed to brown but she was still just as cunning. She melted my heart, she was clearly the loveliest of all the kittens that were there. It was during this visit that I realized she might be deaf. She seemed a bit overwhelmed by the others who were far more rambunctious and she appeared to be unresponsive to any noise.

None the less, I left without her and without any intention of adopting her.

The next day I told my fellow interns about her. I told them that I thought she was deaf and that she was just a gorgeous, sweet docile kitten which was exactly what I was wanting especially with Jadie. I don't know if it was the lack of sleep I had been getting, my realization that my life had ceased to be spontaneous, or simply that she had melted my heart completely and I knew I could provide the best home for her, but after sitting alone in the office for 30 minutes I decided to get her.

I was meeting a friend to give a ride home and asked her if she would like to help me get one. She has heard me talk about getting a kitten for the past year. Today was the day for action. Within the hour Maiden was in my arms and we were headed home!

I kept the name Maiden and have been doing research on caring for a deaf kitty. We have a vet appointment tomorrow and I am looking for visual toys and little beds or stuffies that vibrate so she can feel something when she is in bed. I am working on training her already and while she was the most docile at the pet store, a little tyrant monster cat is beginning to blossom.

I'll post updates and you should know that I am as happy as ever! I feel as if I am "home" for the first time in months, possibly even years. It's amazing the joy a pet can bring to one's life.

Jokes from the Public to the Art

2009-08-09T06:06:00.006-05:00

Mark Rothko, Yellow and Orange, 1956

Check out this beautiful, pulsating, mesmerizing Rothko painting. I love the tones of yellow and orange and though yellow is by far my least favorite color, Rothko uses it in a way that makes it so much more alluring. It's not about the yellow. Nor is it about the orange. I love color field abstract expressionism!

Now here is the funny.

Mark Rothko Post-it, Artist Unknown

I couldn't help but die of laughter when I saw this! it's a delight. Nothing beats a shared sense of humor with my morning cup of coffee.

Of course artists know how to make jokes too. My perfect example I learned about while writing my graduate school application writing sample.

Gustav Klimt, Gold Fish, 1901-02

Klimt wanted to title this To My Critics but was dissuaded by his friends although I think they got the message. Thank goodness he didn't stop because of a few negative reviews, well more than a few, but none the less. Of course, the world never forgets to serve you up some irony. His greatest works were destroyed in a fire during one of the world wars.

The public has picked up on this attitude: the fun and personality the artists has with their work and how it is approached. To think artists don't have a sense of humor is just silly. That's why I loved this joke I found. Sense of humor vs. no sense of humor, and Laughter always wins.

je t'aime

2009-08-05T20:42:00.007-05:00

Robert Motherwell of the New York School, Je t'aime Series, 1955

Well I am in the final steps of preparing for my Gallery Talk. Today I printed up some visual aids to help remind people of who Rothko and Motherwell are - though I am sure most people must know who Rothko is, at least I should hope, I was surprised when my friends weren't familiar with his work and how do you describe a Rothko? I also printed up a Cézanne that looks a lot like a painting in our collection and a Matisse that I really like and that inspired one of the artists.

Henri Matisse, L'Atelier du Quai St Michel, 1916

This is the Matisse. I love how reminiscent it is of Paris. I know the very apartment he is in, not really, but in experience and familiarity with the real aspects of the city I undoubtably do. I love the floors, the slanted tables with the carved legs, the grey walls, and the window that looks out to l'île de la Cité and the steeple to St. Chapelle. Or is it a window? It could also just be a poster hanging on the wall as it would be in my very american apartment in a town that couldn't be any more separated from Paris except for the few parisians who come to the coffee shop I work at. At least knowing how Matisse progresses with his window/painting trickery later in his career, you want to ask yourself the legitimacy of the genre painting.

What I love about this one is that it's not so blatant. This really does look like a shabby peasant apartment in the Latin Quarter of Paris and I can relate to that more than his Southern France luxury paintings. I also love the presence of the artist seen in the three images on the wall and the work in progress on the left. I love his hesitation. This is a painting of Matisse I would love to buy - I mean a replica of it... haha

Of course all of this has only a fraction do with what my talk is really about. This is only very secondary to the real point of my presentation. I took the liberty to invite some 30 people of which I am sure only 2 will show up. I almost prefer it this way and would feel very comfortable among faces I didn't know.

The truth is I have researched this for weeks and know more than any other person that will be present. I'll be the authority. Even the curator that helped me won't be able to make it. If I feel like saying the painting is really about a big pile of shit, I have the authority to do so and with enough flowery artsy-fartsy language, I am sure I can convince them of it!

Secret Painting I will Reveal Next Week

Move Review: The Ugly Truth

2009-07-31T21:38:00.007-05:00

The ugly truth is that this was an ugly movie. While multiple things were wrong right from the start (Katherine Heigl trying to be what Sandra Bullock was to The Proposal, you know, the demanding boss totally in control, was problem no. 1), the worst was the shallow plot with bad acting/directing.

While Mike and Colin represent every man (shallow, sex hungry, chauvinists), Abby represents every single woman ("frumpy," controlling, dorky, and love-deprived both emotionally and sexually).

Mike sets out to correct Abby's imperfections, which do in turn land her the dreamy neighbor for whom she knows nothing about and yet has fallen head over heels. Being herself leaves him uninterested so she is convinced that she must hide who she is in order to make him fall for her. With Mike's coaching to pimp her out, she succeeds.

Oh but wait, she is the controlling psycho Colin just so happens to be so familiar with (every single woman man has ever dated, right?) and is so glad she is not. Or so he thought. And meanwhile, the ring-leader of chauvinism (think Adam Carolla from The Man Show) has fallen for the imperfect woman he went out of his way to perfect.

Message: Assholes do have a soft spot that comes out once they find the perfect woman. After all, men are all just damaged from one woman or another which the perfect imperfect one will fix.

Message: Have hope, you are the perfect woman for assholes so long as you are yourself.

Message: Lower your standards, the perfect man doesn't exist.

Message: Inside every single woman is the dream girl, she just doesn't have it harnessed.

Message: All this means love does exist.

So the "i love you" at the end works. She falls for the man she didn't want, he fell for the imperfect woman. and in the end we realize we have watched a film that never went anywhere, that was entirely too predictable, and worst yet, was a chick flick that resulted in making its audience feel like crap about themselves rather than pep them up for another go around at love.

As a society, haven't we moved beyond this kind of crap?

If I were to grade this, I'd throw it away and give the student an Incomplete.

More Art

2009-07-27T22:03:00.019-05:00

As I mentioned before, I am interning at a museum this summer. It's funny I decide to write about this now as my internship is almost over - only 3 more weeks!

Most of my time has been spent collecting information on artists and their prints that have found their way into our collect, however, lately I have turned my attention to my impending Gallery Talk. I love what I am learning! Never before has the art of America post WWII seemed so captivating. Is Pollock just grey splatters on a monumentally large canvas? I think not. How about a symbol for freedom and wealth in America?

I love context. A painting is never just a painting - despite many artists' efforts to make it just so. A painting always involves multiple layers from various vantage points. You have the painting, the question posed by the artist who painted the painting or the idea/constraint the artist was trying to break through the painting, you have the influences to the artist (other artist friends for example), you have politics, society, culture, personal background, history, the artists accounts, good critics/bad critics and finally you have why I am absolutely enthralled by art.

Check out this painting -

Roses for Stalin. Stalin-era (1949). Painted by Boris Ieremeevich Vladimirski. Oil on canvas, 100.5 x 141 cm.

I love that you have scary-man Stalin being adored by children. It's such propagandist bull shit! Not only in the subject matter, but in the academician rendering - it is certainly done in a passé style. We're talking France circa 1860. The same year (1949) this was painted, Rothko painted this beauty now proudly owned by MOMA.

No. 3/No. 13 Mark Rothko (American, born Latvia. 1903-1970) 1949. Oil on canvas, 7' 1 3/8" x 65" (216.5 x 164.8 cm).

Freedom to do whatever you wish. Freedom to create. Freedom to become an American no matter where you were born. Of course, this was propaganda too - the government did pay artists to create these kinds of work, however, the artists were allowed the freedom to follow their own muse and not the Communistic muse of a dictator (Black-List Hollywood of the 50's ring a bell?). And I am aware that I am generalizing and leaving out some very important ideas/points/arguments - but this is a blog, and not my book nor an examination. Of course I will elaborate if you wish.

All this enthusiams and yet this has little to do with my Gallery Talk. My gallery talk comes a few years later. The 60's and 70's. And instead of New York City vs. Europe/The Soviet - I'm focused on NYC verses California. Welcome to the Bay Area School of Neo-Figurism and Funk Art. Which leads to a whole new blog entry! I think this is enough art for one evening.

While my head is not consumed with the validification of Abstract Expressionism and politics in the arts, I am standing for 8 hours making lattes and getting to know new partners at the coffee shop as we seem to be in a period of turn-over with newly graduated undergrads heading out to begin their next chapter. I have also taken the time to turn my grumpiness and tired attitude about customer service into flirtation - which is working quite well!

If only the days didn't seem to pass away without me even noticing!

i could make you ice cream

2009-07-06T06:30:00.003-05:00

New Young Pony Club - ice cream

The New Sins - It doesn't work like that

Ladyhawke - Paris is Burnin'

Summer Blues

2009-07-02T14:11:00.003-05:00

For more reading materials

The Bookseer

For American Pride

Roadside America

For something interesting

For a new hobby

To express yourself

To oooo and awww

Stinky

2009-06-29T22:17:00.013-05:00

We have this customer who comes into the coffee shop all the time. While some customers give us a smile that catches the corners of our lips, Stinky leaves a smell that lingers in our noses. You know he has arrived before you see him. You know he's recently been in the cafe before you've even made it to the counter. Despite all the wonderful smells of coffee, espresso, and coffee shop, his nasty smell fills the store with all that is repulsive. He walks in multiple times a day with his arms held out from his large, apple-shaped body, possibly to aerate the sticky situation he must have goin' on in the areas that collect the most moisture; which allows the B.O. molecules the opportunity to escape and mock us as they run around, permeating the entire store. Customers clear the line, our faces redden from being unable to breath, and he holds up his nasty, moldy re-used-a-billion-times paper cup to be refilled.

Imagine my utter disdain when I discovered this loser* is moving to Paris.

I am seriously disappointed, jealous, and angry. That should be me. How is it that he found a way just like that and the only possible solution I've come up with is to get pregnant while over there long enough to have the baby?* In all seriousness though, I at least smell of only the finest perfumes. I deserve Paris.

*I must add that he is not homeless. My university is paying for his masters degree and to live near campus. I must also add that he has recently been hunted by the Feds for fraud - forging signatures on official government and university documents in order to stay in the US, and for which he was not expelled and deported. I must also add that he is gross. His cups are molding and he comes in for free refills everyday. When he gets a new cup, he wont throw the old one away. He also digs in the trash for cups. He once came in with a cup that said Small Latte for Sue on it. I have yet to see a woman associate with him. So, yes, loser.

*Having a baby in France gives the mother automatic citizenship. Not to mention a cute french baby.

Manless

2009-06-25T22:02:00.004-05:00

Currently, the only men in my life are my brother and my dad...

My brother diverts our conversations to "There is still hope for you" pep-talks in his attempt to justify, perhaps more to himself than to me, that I will indeed, one day, perhaps in the near future, meet Mr. Right-or-at-least-Mister.

My dad talks from all angles, lovingly concealing what he truly thinks with an attempt to make you feel like he understands. What I have put together with snippets from my mom and the conversations with my dad is that he is concerned I am loveless, I am slutting myself out, I am incapable of love, and I am a lesbian.

Visiting the fam was exhausting. Everyone I turned to wanted to console me, comfort me, provide hope, question and pry, pull and dig - never being satisfied with the answers to one simple questions: Why is Stephanie single?

Stop. Stop. Stop!

I know why and I dont care to explain myself yet one more time.

I was happy before all this questioning. My life felt great before they made me feel inadequate. I was aimlessly hopeful until they made me feel like I needed more hope. It didn't consume me until I realized it was consuming them. I want to go back to me, content and happy, open and adventurous me. I need to escape. I need a break.

So I have turned to the greatest men in... Literature and Poetry. Don't cringe.

Rimbaud, I think we would have had a great time together. I would have liked to join you in Africa. Thanks for the poems that make me feel more comfort than I can find anywhere else, reminding me that the simple pleasures in life derive from the remaining sentiments of innocence and childhood. Verlaine, your poetry is musique to my heart, reading it lulls me to peace. Mr. Wilde, had I found your grave in Paris I would have kissed it for now I understand. You make me laugh and smile, my heart lifts at your words... oh the splendor of delight.

For the time being, the beer-guzzling, slut-loving, business-minded men of my acquaintance bore me with their dull insight, their unnecessary stress, their misdirected perspectives, and everything else, and I turn to the next page in the old books that are feeding my soul with new meaning, hope, splendor and love.

"Be yourself; everyone else is already taken."
Oscar Wilde

I have stretched ropes from steeple to steeple; garlands from window to window; golden chains from star to star, and I dance.
Arthur Rimbaud

"Here are fruits, flowers, leaves
and branches, And here is my heart
which beats only for you."
Paul Verlaine

"How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being."
Oscar Wilde

today, tomorrow, and in my dreams

2009-06-25T21:29:00.002-05:00

Ever wonder who your soulmate is?

Perhaps you have found him. He looks at you and knows you amid the silence you share. Words are not needed. And you continue writing your thoughts, thoughts he knows and is not threatened by, your body loosely wrapped in the white sheets, summer shining bright through the window, a soft cooling breeze tossing back the whisping curtains and tickling your neck with loose curls. You enjoy the gentle sensations, he enjoys watching you smile.

Perhaps you are still hoping you'll find him. Alone, you dream of what it would be like to share that aloneness with someone else, with someone who knows the why for everything you do and loves you anyways. And in your day dreaming, your tranquil searching, the clear blue sky bright against the white cloud of your room, your hope begins to fade.

Perhaps you will never meet the one who will understand your mind at a simple glance. Perhaps he was of another time already passed. Perhaps he is not looking for you. He will never be there to wake you with his gentle kiss upon your lips. He will never be there to curiously watch you peacefully sleeping in his sleepless nights. You will never know what it is like to belong to someone whole-heartedly.

The wind stops, the curtains fall, and the white has turned to gray.

You are all you will ever know.

Sensation
Par les soirs bleus d'été, j'irai dans les sentiers,
Picoté par les blés, fouler l'herbe menue :
Rêveur, j'en sentirai la fraîcheur à mes pieds.
Je laisserai le vent baigner ma tête nue.

Je ne parlerai pas, je ne penserai rien :
Mais l'amour infini me montera dans l'âme,
Et j'irai loin, bien loin, comme un bohémien,
Par la nature, heureux comme avec une femme.

Arthur Rimbaud

Sensation
On the blue summer evenings, I shall go down the paths,
Getting pricked by the corn, crushing the short grass:
In a dream I shall feel its coolness on my feet.
I shall let the wind bathe my bare head.

I shall not speak, I shall think about nothing:
But endless love will mount in my soul;
And I shall travel far, very far, like a gipsy,
Through the countryside - as happy as if I were with a woman.

Arthur Rimbaud
March 1870.

I'm BACK!

2009-06-05T18:50:00.009-05:00

And it has been way too long!

I have so much to share! This summer I am interning at a museum and I love it! I am learning so much and the most important thing is that I am learning what I do and don't want for my career.

Direction. I have one.

My tasks as an intern seem fairly simple in writing but they are actually complicated, head-ache rendering, and fun. The first two weeks consisted of updating the catalog. The museum was gifted/acquired almost 400 prints for their collection. Prior to this internship, I knew nothing about prints but did you know that the majority of every (ok, most) museum collection consists of prints? *We mostly see painting and sculptures because they show better and prints are fragile, damaging easily in light.* So for two weeks I sat in this large room next to the print vault and measured ever single plate and sheet: height, width, centimeters, inches, millimeters. I also took note of any damage, misspelled names, and errors in medium.

Now that is complete, I am researching all 400-some prints. I use every database I have access to on the internet and through the library. I spend hours printing off relevant articles from as early as 1913 stored up in the most deserted wing of the library. I wait weeks for books coming from libraries across the country. I call other museums, auction houses, and art dealers who may have the same print or a similar one. I find anywhere from nothing, to tons of irrelevant material, to exactly what I need. And I am loving it. It's a treasure hunt and I'm becoming very acquainted with many great artists that don't make it to our overrated textbooks.

Some of the prints I am researching are really interesting. While some of the artists have never even made it to Who's Who in American Art or the Getty Union, others are well established and highly esteemed. One of the more interesting artists, who is still alive, is Will Barnet. He is 97 years old and still producing art! I love it! While his career varies over many techniques and styles, his mature artwork is the most famous and I am having some difficulty finding information on his earlier works.

These are not examples of the works acquired by my museum. Infact, this style is representative of his most famous prints. But I love them and buying one would put me deep in the red.

Either way, they remind me of me. He even has some with parrots and a young girl.

Researching these prints is not the only thing I am to do this summer.

I am also to give a gallery talk and I am going to do it on contemporary artists from Northern California (California Funk Art). An announcement will be posted and whoever wants to can come. I'll walk them through the museum to my selected pieces and spill my researched knowledge out to the public. I am excited.

Today, I got to go into the top secret storage space and move paintings, carefully lifting the oddest pieces made of an array materials such as wood boards, rope, glass, and textiles with fancy white gloves. Though the supervisor of this department annoys me, I enjoyed the opportunity to touch and intimately study the works not currently available for public viewing in the galleries. No security guards could tell me I was too close, no sensors warned of a much-too-assertive viewer, no glass stood between me and the painting. It was almost as exciting as being in the studio of the artist himself.

Anyways, I am glad to be back! I am glad to finally have something to express and share. I hope that you missed me and are equally glad for my return!

random

2009-04-04T23:38:00.004-05:00

i painted today.

i haven't painted in a long time.

i took dark teal and threw it across the canvas. with white.

than i took teal, the same color the white and darker shade had created. and i threw that on the canvas.

i used a spatula to mix it all up.

i created a fun pattern. fat. textured. i loved the mix of monochromatic color.

i wasn't finished.

i took a nice hot pink and splattered it across the canvas - thick and thin.

i did the same with yellow. the teal and yellow made amber. the pink and teal made deep purple.

it was unbalanced so i tipped the painting and the thick, runny areas trickled from end to end leaving thick trails of color as they continued to the edges. there is no gravity now.

it's finished

wet

and drying in my apartment... that now smells like acrylic paints.

i didn't use any paint brushes. i hate paint brushes.

i used kitchen utensils and my hands.

the painting has turned out psychedelic. the colors, the texture freak the eye out and i love it.

but it's not good. it's no picasso. i'm not a polluck. i'm no artist.

i just needed a break from thinking.

Nature as Art

2009-03-23T19:52:00.007-05:00

My absolute all time favorite piece from Fantasia (1940) is the Pastoral Symphony (beginning at 4:39 of this video clip). Elegant, beautiful, innocently naked centaurs gracefully bathe while being pampered by adoring little putti (italian for cupid) who then fuss over styles to accentuate the unique beauty of each individual centaur as the sexy, strong men-centaurs gallop into the seductive forest. A curtain of foliage is opened to reveal the flawless women who then find love and comfort with their perfect match.

Even as a young girl I could watch the scene again and again.

My brothers favorite was the dinosaurs.

The fashion reminds me of Art Nouveau when jewelry and fashion were inspired by nature. Just as birds, flowers, tree bark, and lily pads adorn the centaur's perfect bodies, Art Nouveau jewelers also resorted to such motifs for inspiration and beauty. For example, the most famous piece by Lalique, Dragonfly Woman Corsage Ornament, whose wings and abdomen are hinged, making the parts move as if it were alive. Mind you this "piece of jewelry" is the 9 x 10 inches and made of gold, enamel, chrysoprase, moonstones, and diamonds. It is so heavy, I am sure it would permanently stretch even denim and it has only been worn once: by Lalique's wife.

Elements of Art Nouveau are repeated, or at least I am reminded of them, in Fantasia 2000 with the Sprite and the Elk to the music of Stravinsky's Firebird (coincidentally, a very avant-garde ballet during the same époque in Paris).

I've always loved the beginning scene when the Sprite eloquently evolves from the lake with hair a mix of clear waters, ivy, and rich locks. I love how she brings life to everything she sweeps over, including butterflies.

Well, I, too, have been captivated by nature as fashion. Only I am lucky enough to have my own, natural accessory. I don't need a gold barrette, nor do I have to resort to a sketch pad and imagination. Just as the beautiful red head below has a pair of doves displayed on her head....

I have my little Jadie.

Mind you, she is not nearly as cooperative!

Hope you are all enjoying the dawn of Spring!! I know I am loving the extra warmth and sunshine!

Thanks for Tuning in

2009-03-05T23:29:00.002-05:00

No, i have not fallen off the face of the earth. All of my reasons for not posting will sound like empty excuses so I'll just leave it at being totally drained and not have very many more words in me to spill onto a blog.

So a few weeks from my hybernation, and here I am! I'll admit that I've been keeping up on all my regular blogs and it seems everyone has just hit a speechless spell, perhaps due to the anticipation for Spring.

I leave for California on Saturday and I am so excited! This trip has meant the world to me. If I hadn't lost my voice, I would be screaming and singing and dancing around in sheer joy. I've arranged with two of my favorite friends to come see me - two that I haven't seen in four years! I'm also excited to see my friend from this summer who moved away. In addition, I am going with a local friend. I'm going to be meeting up with some new people as well so it's so far sounding like a very exciting and joyous spring break, my first major SB trip and my last before graduating.

I am also excited to announce that I am going to be working as a research assistant in the French Department at my university and I am applying tomorrow (fingers crossed) for an internship at our museum. I've heard only great things about the projects they assign interns and I am so excited! All this while balancing life at the BUX but I couldn't be happier moving beyond its confines.

So life is good, busy, exciting, exhausting, joyful, dramatic, and I love it!

I'll be sure to post pictures when I get back! You know i'll be journaling each day of the trip! These are the memories that make college so great!

I found it!

2009-02-22T18:37:00.001-05:00

I found the law program of my dreams!!! Basically, in three years, you earn a law degree and a PHD in Art History. It's at Duke University so obviously I have to keep my grade up and do well on the LSAT. Plus I need to milk my contacts and write an outstanding paper - or revise the one I have.

But I am so excited!!

Update on a Mind that can't Stop

2009-02-21T10:18:00.002-05:00

So today I am giving plasma! $20 the first time in a week, $40 the second. that's $120 before I leave for California! That's exciting!

I am a little nervous. I don't really know what to expect. It takes so long you can bring books to read and such so I might bring Le jeu de l'amour et du hasard, a French play by Marivaux. It was written in the 18th c. and I have to read it for my French Theater class. It's a shame I don't have a magazine or something...

It's about a young woman to be married to a young aristocrat she doesn't know. To find out more about him, she trades places with her servant. Little does she know, her fiancé has the same idea and disguises himself as his valet. In the end, everyone falls in love with who they should have.

I better get going. My appointment to give plasma is in an hour!!! eeek!!!

Prayer

2009-02-15T21:42:00.002-05:00

When it comes right down to it, I need you to pray for me!

"In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express" (Romans 8:26).

"This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us - whatever we ask - we know that we have what we asked of him" (1 John 5:14-15).

Please remember me in your prayers! Even your thoughts.

Law School Prep

2009-02-14T18:30:00.009-05:00

Today, yes Valentine's Day, marks the beginning of an extremely long trip through the application process for law school.

I am so glad that I am waiting until a year after I graduate to apply. It will give me the chance to focus on one thing at a time; I can maintain my GPA, put my all into the LSAT and spend time building my relationships for solid recommendation letters. I can take the time to write solid personal statements and visit the campus's of the universities I am applying to.

So much work! I've been giving some second thought about whether or not I should be spending the application season frolicking around France or any other foreign country for that matter. I want to do it so badly but I would be distracted, unable to give it my 100%.

Besides, it might be kind of nice to focus on making some money to cushion paying for all of this!

I just really want it all.

Can't I have it?

Oh, and as for Valentine's Day? I am celebrating the same way every single girl knows how to: with my two good friends, Ben and Jerry.

In the Middle of an Open Map

2009-02-13T18:07:00.007-05:00

If you've read my last few posts, you'd see what I mean by the title above. You may also have some insight into my personality: I am a planner. I like to have an idea of where I am going.

I graduate in December and plan on going to Law School but I want one more adventure, one more great year abroad, one more experience to remind myself that life is more than books, studying, working. Life is about living. PERIOD.

So I applied to the Italy program and got accepted. I am applying to the Peace Corps. I am also applying to the France Assistantship program. I also might be able to get a job working with a lawyer in Chicago or Philadelphia. Either way, I'll volunteer at a local museum on the weekends. All the more connections I can make in the art and legal world, the better. I am really hoping that I'll get accepted to a law school in California or New York.

When I look at my life right now, I see myself standing on an open map. I can walk in any direction. I can end up anywhere on it. I could run across to the other side of the world, and than come back to the US.

It's a great feeling. I love being able to travel. I love feeling like the world is so open. And I want to experience all of it; every language, every culture, every aspect.

Life is so cool.

FYI: The blue scarf is an homage to Paris; I bought it at Lafayette. All this talk about going back and the feeling of Spring being near has gotten me in the mood to break away from the heavy snow boots, scarves, and winter coats. Thank goodness for warmer weather!

And by warmer, I mean in 40's...

And by the 40's I mean it snowed a little today.

Ok so maybe I shouldn't put all that winter wear away just yet.

Saving my Pennies

2009-02-09T08:35:00.004-05:00

Well, I am certainly feeling the economic pinch. It seems like with all the bills I am behind on, the gas I need for my car, the food I need to get for Jadie, the food I need for me, with everything piling up on me I have absolutely no money to even spare on a piece of chocolate.

So this is what it's come down to. I've adjusted my living to make way for saving money and I am still planning on the trip to California in a month - even if it means I go without any lunch.

here are some ideas to saving your pennies:

This one sucks but you've got to do what you got to do: do your laundry by hand. When I use a machine, I can easily spend about $15 on all the washing and drying. It's much cheaper to fill my bathtub with some cold water and detergent, soak the clothes,walk on them like I am crushing grapes and hang them out to dry (ok there is a little bit more involved) than it is to drive down to the laundry mat. Plus, it's a great workout!
Buy bulk bags of frozen vegetables. This is saving me and I get my important nutrients!
Calculate if its cheaper to the take the bus after all. With my schedule, it makes sense to use public transportation on Tuesday's and Thursday's but it is actually cheaper for me to pay for parking on MWF.
Carpool. My workout buddy and I take turns picking each other up for workouts.
For entertainment, use your internet - cut the cable. Most good shows are on there anyways. Though, I'll admit I am sad they removed Dirty Sexy Money.

Maybe some of them don't apply but I hope it gets you inspired. These habits are good to keep and will keep you saving money even after this economy turns for the better. I'm thinking: New pair of boots?

Ok, so I'll just keep on dreaming. At least I've saved enough to fill up my gas tank.

Enough Said

2009-02-08T21:22:00.001-05:00

my favorite thing right before bed...

You Learn

2009-02-07T10:25:00.008-05:00

Every now and then I turn back to my roots. At age 10, I bought my first cassette tape and it was her first album, she created the first "pop" songs I ever memorized, and the only singer to whom I have remained a devoted fan. She also writes the only songs whose lyrics I care to understand.

Of course, it's Alanis Morissette.

After the release of her 2005 album, So-Called Chaos, I was driving across the United States from California to the very end of Pennsylvania. It had been 10 years since she debuted with Jagged Little Pill and I would still play it only now from a CD. Stuck in my car somewhere in the middle of the 3000 miles of I-80, I found out she was having a concert and the nearest one to my final destination and date was in Baltimore. If anyone has followed her career, they would know that concerts by Alanis Morissette are few and far between. I'll admit that I got a little teary when I realized I would never make it.

I don't know why as a 10 year old I was attracted to her music. I think in many ways she opened the door for me to another lifestyle, another reality, that I couldn't experience in the one I was growing up in. I was going to a small private school where everyone was taught, more or less, to think, act, and look the same. Where problems were to be hidden deep under the surface. No matter how pretty I was made up for church, I could be who I was, think what I wanted, with my walkman headphones on driving to and from it. This theme followed me into my early teens and I relied on her music for the support I wasn't getting.

I admire Alanis Morissette for the growth she has made and how she shares it in her work. I always look forward to what she writes next as it is always full of truth, authenticity, and a bit of edge.

anyways, I don't really know why i decided to post this other than I have taken to blasting her music once again.

I will do anything to travel the world

2009-02-02T15:03:00.005-05:00

Of course the moment I broadcast to the world about moving to Italy, a huge obstacle comes in its way. Though the program is not really that expensive, I don't think I'll be able to come up with the money.

However, a true adventurer will always find a way to travel the world.

This was the motivating factor needed for me to finally apply to the Peace Corps. Well, that and reading a few blogs of people now volunteering with them. My application is almost done and I am in search of the three people needed to complete the recommendation letters.

I have already been accepted to the Italy program. I might also apply to a program that would allow me to teach English in France though I would like to explore another part of the world. I figure I'll just apply everywhere and keep my options open.

Where there is a will, there is a way.

Italy

2009-01-28T16:12:00.010-05:00

I have some exciting news! Though not official yet, I am moving to Italy!

I have applied to a program that will certify me to teach in Italy, then I will set out to find a job teaching English! I'm hoping to stay in Florence but I have the opportunity of seeking employment anywhere in Italy.

At this time I have only sent in the application. I've also enrolled in some Italian courses for the summer. And as I am a thorough researcher, I have begun collecting information on the culture, housing, and how to go about getting my visa.

I am so excited! Not only to begin a new adventure in Europe but also to honor the girl from 01/03/08 who said to her parents while visiting Florence, "I'll come back here one day and learn Italian. Watch me."

I'm also thrilled to be so close to Paris and "replacing" my photography that I lost when my laptop crashed. You bet I'm planning on bringing my backup hard drive and regularly loading all my photography on the internet!

Here are some sites I hope to one day compete with:

Living in Florence

Florence from the Heart

Florence Journal

Cheese Tangent

2009-01-27T15:23:00.008-05:00

The point of this post is really american freedoms. We have so many and we are so proud. Thanks to the hard work of many Americans, we now have a black president. Thanks to the contributions of many women and men, it is now socially acceptable to be a stay-at-home dad. And I could go on and on...

But do we truly have freedom if we can't even choose to purchase unpasteurized cheese?

So here the cheese tangent begins:

I had been craving camembert cheese.

Rich, creamy, smelly and delicious, it would have brought me back to France. I could see myself cooking in my little chambre de bonne (no larger than 10x12") where I would be timing each course just right (two fresh salmon filets, green beans, and homemade mashed potatoes) with only one burner, one pot, and one pan. A fresh baguette was never meant to be without great camembert or brie carefully selected for its ripeness and a bottle of rich chardonnay (which pairs great with both creamy smooth white cheeses and salmon, btw).

Should any part of the meal be missing, it wasn't a meal. It was a hazard, a stressful mishaps, a devastation! And more so than any part, the cheese was a must!

So, here in the US, I set out to find camembert. Disappointingly the grocery store only had one choice. I put it in the cart and went off to squeeze all the baguettes.*

When I got home to happily divulge in my baguette and cheese, I was shocked at the flavor of the camembert. Even American brie is slightly off but the camembert didn't even deserve to be on the shelves and certainly not under the same sacred title. It was tainted with the flavor of bitter chemicals. I thought it might be the rind (yes, you can and should eat the rind of most soft cheeses) so I tried just the rich center. Still the same flavor. In fact, it didn't even have a hint of the flavor French camembert has. It was disgusting. Sadly, I threw it away. My meal was incomplete and my baguette left without its suitor, like Romeo without his Juliette.

I blame the FDA's regulation on the sale of dairy products. Did you know that we are refused the freedom to enjoy many cheeses from Europe because they can't even be imported due to the FDA's idea on just how much things should be pasteurized? Supposedly it will make you sick and I met many Americans in Europe who were so afraid of this they wouldn't eat anything that hadn't been pasteurize. In France, I ate many great, 100% unpasteurized cheeses and never got sick.

Is freedom not being able to buy good cheese? Is freedom dictating my choices? Is liberty allowing me to only choose from fake, impostor cheese?

This is not the only example, of course. I realized many more upon my return to the US but this isn't a plight to do away with all laws and regulation. What I really hope to accomplish here is the freedom to purchase good, perfect cheese. After all, we can find chicken heads in our fried nuggets and have salmonella in our spinach and peanut butter. What harm could some real camembert do?

*Yes, I wrote that correctly, "to squeeze all the baguettes." That's how you tell it's good or not, by the crunchy sound it makes when you lightly squeeze it. If its soft and soundless, it's not good enough. Don't get it. In fact, I have to laugh at everyone proclaiming to sell the 'french baguette' because they are always soft and gross. Italian bread has a much better texture.

BTW

2009-01-25T05:35:00.003-05:00

New blog is finally up! I settled on a bilingual photography theme.

I decided to call it Discovery. Which in French is Découverte.

I hope you enjoy.

à bientôt!

Movie Review: Revolutionary Road

2009-01-24T19:27:00.017-05:00

It should come as no surprise that I loved this movie. The moment I saw the previews with April and Frank Wheeler discussing moving to Paris over a typical 1950's dinner with the neighbors I made plans to see it with my friends.

The Campbell's reactions to the news of their departure, more directly the reaction to the idea of April supporting Frank, certainly conveys the mindset of the time. In our modern perception of how life ought to be a stay-at-home dad who thrives on intellectualism rather than the mundane is perhaps not the most extreme of lifestyles. And who can argue that Paris wouldn't be the best place to do it? The tears shed by Milly Campbell after the dinner party pose some interesting questions. Was Milly upset she was leaving a friend or was she grieving for herself and the rut she now realized she was in?

My friends and I got into a debate about whether or not Paris was truly 'a way in' or if April was insane from the start. Did the Wheeler's really need to go there in order to find the life and adventure they were seeking? The argument that one can find happiness wherever one may be can only be argued to a point. Sometimes a change of scenery is what one needs in order to awaken the mind from the deep sleep of rut. I'd have to conclude that, yes, Paris would offer for them more than they ever could imagine. I'm not talking about Paris, the romantic city for passionate lovers. I'm talking about Paris; resonating with reminders to smell the flowers along the way. Paris with its deep cultural foundation on taking time to read the classics, the culture that views disagreements as the great pursuit of intellectualism which should never be concealed, the Paris that allows its people to be alive and makes this inescapable. This is certainly a contrast with American culture where happiness is ~~thought to be~~ found in a successful career pursuit. Though hard as one may try, embracing a deep breath is often hard to do without the powerful support society and culture can give.

The movie truly makes you think about the effect we have on each other in our relationships - especially with those we are madly in love with. I have no doubt that April and Frank loved each other despite their harsh words. I think the faults in their relationship was not due to a lack of love but more an inability to understand what the other was looking for in life. April feared the rut of a simple, dull housewife in the suburbs. Frank feared never amounting to anything. The idea of being

able to leave it all behind removed the fear of failure and allowed for Frank to step out on a limb just as April was trying to get him to do. He no longer needed Paris and failed to grasp that April did.

April's identification with John Givings is not to say that she was crazy. He was right when he said, "Hopeless emptiness. Now you've said it. Plenty of people are onto the emptiness, but it takes real guts to see the hopelessness." The movie begins with April's dream of acting which quickly turns to her realization that it's hopeless after bad reviews for a local play she was in. The idea of Paris had given her hope and she quickly invested all of her energy into planning her families arrival. When the travelers checks and steamer tickets where handed to her she could feel the light of hope resonating in her heart and her love for living was revitalized with plan and purpose. When Frank took this away from her the return of hopelessness was impossible to welcome back into her life, resulting in her killing herself symbolically through killing the life that was growing inside her.

I've read a few reviews complaining that they kept waiting for the movie to begin and then suddenly it was over. After watching every french film I could get my hands on I've grown to appreciate movies that engage the mind more than the American need for entertainment. This is then my plea to my reader. I hope that should you decide to see Revolutionary Road that you go with an alerted mind ready to think about the ideas presented in a rational manner - not with the need to be delighted by the reunion of Kate Winslet and Leonardo DeCaprio (not to mention Kathy Bates who played the Unsinkable Molly Brown in Titanic).

On a more personal note, I was saddened that my friends saw April as running away from her responsibilities and moving to Paris as 'unrealistic.' I don't think it was. More than becoming a lawyer, a mother, a wife, a career woman it is my life goal to avoid such ideas - we should all live with the will and the freedom to pick up our lives and move it somewhere else even if only for the adventure. After all, this is the only life we have. We have the power to make of it what we want despite our responsibilities. I hold the dream of permanently moving back to Paris close to my heart and I can certainly relate to April's despair.

day dreaming

2009-01-24T09:30:00.010-05:00

I keep telling myself that you are watching me. Curious though shy, you have yet to approach me.

I keep telling myself that the times you are near me have been a breath of fresh air for you. Life's burdens become weightless.

When I giggle you are mysteriously set at ease and you laugh to yourself. I keep telling myself that you notice the little things that make me release passionate laughter and your mind drifts into innocent daydreams where you are the one that brings that twinkle in my eyes, those curved lips, and my open, full-hearted laugh.

I keep telling myself that, to you, I am irresistible. All of me and that you keep waiting for that perfect moment to approach me.

I keep telling myself that waiting for this moment will soon become too unbearable and you will be bold, assertive, masculine, and terribly sexy in finally approaching me - if only to make sure I know you notice me, adore me, that you want me wanting you.

I keep telling myself ...

this is all bullshit. You are not really there, no one notices, and I return home in solitude. Another day spent alone. Another dreadful forecast for the next day and the next.

New Blog

2009-01-21T10:54:00.002-05:00

I am starting a second blog. After blogging whatever came to my mind for a few months, I've finally decided on a theme for a blog. While this one will remain my unstructured ramblings, the other will be my photography and perhaps a few thoughts reflecting on certain photos. I haven't decided whether or not to have it in french or even bilingual. It would really be my guilty pleasure if it were in french.

It's under construction so stay tuned for updates!

Hope you're enjoying the rest of January. I'll have more on that later as well. Oh, and I've been meaning to write out my new plan - which includes a year in Italy.

However, I am late to class and behind in my studies - though it is only the second week of the semester so I've got to run!

A bientôt!

What is the World Coming To?

2009-01-17T08:32:00.001-05:00

Obama Thongs

Champagne Please!

2009-01-14T15:25:00.017-05:00

It was never my intention to graduate a year and a half late. Because it seemed so far off and illusive, I haven't put much thought into it other than deciding what to do afterwards. Though that's a big deal in and of itself, I still haven't fully grasped the concept of graduating.

It's beginning to sink in especially since I just found out that after this semester I will have finished two of my majors! It seems odd to think it will all be over. Not only is a chapter ending, but an entire book be complete. The play is over, curtains down.

Aside from beginning a new semester, I have managed to completely clean up my apartment. It took a week but afterwards it was nicer than the day I finished moving in.

I took three boxes to goodwill, had multiple trash bags full of papers that no longer held any significance, I have a box of books I plan on selling to a used bookstore and my apartment smelt so strongly of citrus multi-surface cleaner that I had to air it out for a day despite the 20 degrees outside. Now the trick will be to keep it immaculate when I become swamped with my intensive writing course and four 400 level courses.

I also got a little makeover just before the new year - I got tired of the blonde and decided to return to my sophisticated roots of brunette complete with a cute cut.

before and after

I love it! My stylist needed a little convincing that I was ready for a such a dramatic change and I loved it the moment he was finished! I've been having fun playing with different colors of makeup and have found my new favorite shade of gloss: rich light pinks like Dior Addict Plastic Gloss.

I have also done some life re-evaluating. First of all, I have decided to invest less time in the friendships I don't feel are valuable. Secondly, I have decided to spend more time enriching the ones that mean a lot to mean. Third, I have decided to continue cultivating and deepening my morals and values - something I have ignored for the past few years. And finally, I have decided to work less at Starbucks and more on school and interests - even the silly ones like my puzzle of Paris that I've been working on since Christmas.

I am also spending more time with little Jadie who is growing on me like none other.

She has all these funny little parrot quirks and it's very amusing. My favorite is when she is just hanging around upside down and looking at you like you are the crazy one.

Further more, I have started exercising with my new workout partners and I have begun Bible studies again.

So I may not have made a real New Years Resolution, but I am hopeful for a new year filled with great opportunities, growth, adventures, and happiness. I am really excited to see the endless possibilities unfold!

So in light of this newfound joie de vivre, let's open up a bottle of pink champagne and toast! Even if miles away from one another, even if disconnected, even if we'll never meet.

Welcome to the New Year

2009-01-02T16:30:00.006-05:00

It happens every New Years - we pick some sort of resolution and aspire to change our lives for the good.... and then we fail.

So this year mine is simple: to pretend to like to exercise.

My friends are making me go the gym with them. We'll be having these regular "dates" throughout the next semester.

Actually, they aren't making me do anything at all. I'm pretending like they are.

I think I'm off to a great start to a new me.

What is your resolution?

Wondering

2008-12-31T11:35:00.005-05:00

Isn't it neat that the words we construct into sentences, have likely never been spoken in that combination before?

Isn't it neat that the notes of the music we hear, the tunes we come up with, the compilations we love, have likely never been compiled in exactly that way before?

And as time goes on, we have an infinite number of original things to say and songs to write.

That being said, aren't you excited for the all of the secrets to be discovered in 2009? I am.

Happy New Year!!!

Féerie Tale

2008-12-30T00:09:00.008-05:00

Every little thing in french or about France is worth every little penny and every little moment of attention poured out onto it. It's worth every bit of focus. That's why I love the perfume section at Neiman Marcus: Geurlain, l'Artisan Parfumeur, Quelques Fleurs, and Sisley beckon me and I do not hesitate.

The secrets of every bottle can only be heard when held close to my nose and more than the seductive whisperings of the fragrance, the sweet french words inscribed on each of the bottles have a little secret to share with me. Les petits mots make up the threads of discovery, of joy, of wonderment, completing the softest cashmere calling to me from the corner of the department dedicated to beauty.

I remember waking up every morning in Paris feeling so much more alive. Excited for the adventures and discoveries the day promised. I'd quickly tie my scarf just so, lock my double bolted door to my little chambre de bonne on the sixth floor of my apartment building in Pasteur, and briskly walk out onto the streets. My blue eyes wide open, my ears listening to all, even the pigeons with their french accents, and my nose deeply inhaling the warm scent of fresh baguettes from the corner boulangerie.

I was in love. My heart aches for that again.

I've taken to speaking french with my mom who only understands je t'aime and merde. She has become the inevitable prey to my pathological need to ramble little nothings and NM was no exception. J'adore ça. Vraiment. C'est très bien, ce parfum, ça. The snobby spritzer girl didn't know if she should help. No, no. Please don't. Je suis le vrai snob. Toi, tu es rien à moi, même à Paris. Tu connais rien de tout.

I felt alive. Happy. Myself.

I thought of my closest amie who also shares this strong adoration for all things french. One scent in particular reminded me of her and I thought I would share it.

Il s'appelle Féerie.

I loved the notion of the bottle; a fairy tale wrapped tightly in a rich sapphire vault. Secrets forever protected by its dreamy fairy tale fragrance. After all, a fairy tale is what I'm in the midst of when meddling with the fragrance department in Neiman Marcus. That's where I go when french slides across my gaze or falls from my lips. That's where I was for a year when in Paris. That's where I want to be again.

The Women

2008-12-29T00:43:00.002-05:00

Can I just say that I love this movie! The friendships, the drama, the emotions, our way of thinking and the fact that there was not one man in the entire film! How clever.

Seriously though, this is the perfect film for a girls night. Open a bottle of champagne, no make it a couple of bottles, fix a bowl of strawberries and call all the girls over and celebrate!

{The first image is from the 1938 version of the film. Love it!}

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

2008-12-25T09:14:00.005-05:00

All of the presents are wrapped and under the tree. I'm excited to rip them open but I am also savoring the anticipation. Ever notice how that's the best part? I am most excited to see if my brother (who doesn't read this blog...) likes what I picked out for him for Christmas. He likes cooking, especially for his girlfriend.

Its cold outside but no snow. A gentle breeze softly pulls at the trees bare branches. My parents cat, NaNa (pronounced NahNah) sits in the window sill. Little Jadie is enjoying her special Christmas day breakfast and Roxy, my parents Schnauzer is sleeping near my chair. It's a good morning.

My brother is still sleeping. I might go bother him for a bit - jump on his bed or something.

I hope that you are also savoring the joy of the season!

Merry Christmas!

OK

2008-12-24T20:20:00.003-05:00

So, as you've read, I posted that I had seen the famous duo from Gossip Girl. Apparently, mentioning that you've seen someone famous is a key way to get your ratings to go up. Someone found what I'd written and quoted it on a forum for Blake Lively. Then, fanatical stalkers went crazy over the fact that someone posted online a "sighting" and I've had a significant increase in the people visiting my blog over the last 24 hours.

Goodness people!!! Seriously? I didn't even know such forums existed!

Who knew I was so fortunate when I saw them???

Summary of a Day Well Spent

2008-12-23T23:22:00.012-05:00

This is my 100th post!!! YooWhoo!

I had a fun day in NYC. Most exciting thing was finding La Librairie de France at the Rockefeller Center and La Maison du Chocolat where they were selling the French Christmas tradition, les Bûches de Noël - I bought one in chocolate. How this made me miss Paris!!!

Next would be the mustard knit hat I fell in love with at Barneys - $150. Didn't get it. Desperately flirted with the idea, but alas, I had to walk away. If not for the price, than the color. Mustard? (written with a hint of cynicism and resistance to admit I'm broke)

I also walked by Christie's and Sotheby's. Potential work places? I hope so! At least for an internship!

It was of course freezing, so I bought some snow flake socks and some scarves from the street vendors.

Lunch at Barneys was ok... not to be snobby but... really. I am sure there are many other restaurants that would be more pleasing and luxurious feeling than Fred's. Sorry Fred, but it's true.

By the way, have you ever tried googling those two names together? I found more pictures of the purple dinosaur and Fred Flinstone than I thought possible.

The coolest thing about lunch at Fred's was seeing some famous people!

Penn Badgley and Blake Lively from Gossip Girl (Dan and Serena) were enjoying a late breakfast/early lunch. I could see them from where I was sitting and kept checking 'em out for the sake of fulfilling my own curiousity more than actual interest in their work. Others were being complete fools, walking by and gawking or stopping to interupt and profess there undying love for them or whatever. Truth is, they looked like normal people and while they weren't particularly dazzled up as they are when deliberately prancing about under the medias critical gaze, they looked just as they do in the pictures and on TV... Though dressed a bit more sloppy, especially for Badgley. In fact, I had the impression that they had just recently woken up.

Anyways, more walking and shopping around 5th Avenue. I didn't come home with too much. I had no Barneys shopping bags to proudly carry around NYC. But I still had my head held high and enjoyed the fun and fashion.

I'm hoping to make one more trip to NYC this break. I'd love to see the Met and MOMA.

{photo, of course, not mine}

Out to Lunch

2008-12-23T08:00:00.005-05:00

Today's agenda:

8:30am

Leave for NYC

9:30am - 12:15pm

SHOP

12:45pm

Lunch at Fred's, Barneys New York

2:00pm

SHOP

7:00pm

Leave NYC

Art History

2008-12-18T20:23:00.006-05:00

Colossal Head of Constantine

I would have to say that out of all the pieces of art, the monuments, the artifacts, the tapistries, the paintings, the sculptures, and frescos, the mosaics and ruins.... all that I studied from the ancient to the early modern in each of my art history classes this semester...

... this was my favorite.

Happy Holidays!

2008-12-18T15:09:00.001-05:00

I haven't even started thinking about Christmas shopping yet.

New.. and therefore LOVE IT!

2008-12-16T11:53:00.004-05:00

You ever enjoy trying something new for the sake of something different?

Like something edible.

You take a bite, and you slowly chew.... unsure and intrigued.

And you're then not sure if you really like it or not but its so new and you love new so much you think you just might like it?

In fact, you're almost sure you love this new foreign flavor because its exciting and so different from the everyday palette you're accustomed to so you go for another bite.

And before you know, you've eaten the entire dish and want to order another one because it's all just so great and exciting... and new and different.

I did that twice this week.

Once with a turkey ruben sandwich and the other was crab patte.

Favorite Christmas Songs?

2008-12-12T15:38:00.003-05:00

Mine is Santa Baby by Eartha Kitt. What's yours?

La Musique

2008-12-10T01:31:00.003-05:00

I know it's been too long since I've posted. I am swamped with projects and finals. And having fun here and there too. My blog is not the only thing getting neglected in my life right now. But in light of the stress, I thought I would share some of the music I've fallen in love with that has made my stress a bit less mean.

Aña - Il va arriver bientot
Angelique Kidjo - Les Enfants Perdus
Bazbas & Sandrine Kiberlain - Loin derrière
Beth Orton - Thinking About Tomorrow
Bitter:Sweet - Get What I Want, Drama, Bittersweet Faith, The Mating Game
Bliss - Don't Look Back
David Vison - Mary
The Dining Rooms - Ceremony
Embee - Send Someone Away
Gabin - Sweet Sadness
Gecko Turner - Limon en la Cabeza
Goldfrapp - Fly Me Away
Gotan Project - Notas
Husky Rescue - New Light of Tomorrow
Ivy - Edge of the Ocean
Jazzamor - Je t'aime, Nuit Magique
Koop - Waltz for Koop, Koop Island Blues
Les Negresses Vertes - Face à la Mer
Les Nubians - Makeda
Lhasa de Sela - De Cara a la Pared, El Desierto
A Man Called Adam - Yachts
Moby - Porcelain
Mocean Worker - Changes
Morcheeba - The Sea
Nightmares on Wax - You Wish
Nouvelle Vague - Dance with Me, Making Plans for Nigel, Love will Tear us Apart
Regina Spektor - Fidelity
Röyksopp - Remind Me
Sade - By Your Side
Shelly Poole - Totally Underwater
Si*Sé - The Rain
St. Germain - Rose Rouge
Supreme Beings of Leisure - Calamity Jane, Freezer
Theivery Corporation - Language Symbolique, Le Monde, Lebanese Blonde, La Femme Paralles, Sweet Tides, Un Simple Histoire
Wax Poetic - Angels
Zero 7 - Destiny in the Waiting Line

Now if you don't have the time to check all of them out, I recommend Thievery Corporation, Nouvelle Vague, Supreme Beings of Leisure, Bitter:Sweet, Embee, and certainly Koop.

Hope you are having fun getting ready for the holidays! Hope I jazzed it up for you a bit!

xox

Perfection

2008-11-27T00:39:00.005-05:00

Family are the people you have to be around. They teach you how to cultivate relationships with those you may not like so much. They teach you how to face your relationship problems because you're with them for the long haul whether you like it or not. They teach you how to love those you might not like, perhaps because they are a reflection of who you are and remind you of who you're not. They help you learn to love you for who you are by showing you the mirror. They help you strive for more by making you want something different, if not better.

Friends are the people you choose to surround yourself by. They like to be around you and you like to be around them. Friends like one another for being who they are; they see themselves in you in ways family doesn't and know they can turn to you with problems family won't understand. Friends mutually freshen up perspectives and give new things to think about and ways of looking at things. You like them because they appreciate this. Friends remind each other that who we are is exactly who we need to be and that this is enough, in fact, it's perfection.

A Vacation Home

2008-11-25T22:49:00.004-05:00

I bought a plane ticket today! I figured with gas prices going down and the economy in the shit, what better time to try and see if I could get a good deal? And I got a great deal: round trip ticket to San Francisco from the East Coast for less than $300!

I'm going during spring break. This is not only my last spring break vacation, it's also my first. This is the first time I'll have planned a practically random vacation with friends and it's my last because I'm graduating next fall. There will be three of us - a friend from the East who's never been west and a friend from Nevada who knows California and who I met here in the East.

It's been five years since I was last in California, and though I was planning on returning back to my first college for another year, I knew I wouldn't.

I've been wondering when I would finally get back and I am so excited!!!

I feel totally lame asking this but if anyone has any ideas of what I should see or do, let me know.

Fat and Happy

2008-11-24T18:38:00.006-05:00

It's been snowing all afternoon and I am bundled up tight in my apartment with Uggs and sweats on. I've got hot chocolate warmed with Bailey's and whipped cream. I've got movies. I've got a friend coming over. And I love these kinds of days!

I'm not the only one bundled up warm. All of the little monster obese squirrels are probably too. While most people think they are disgusting, I find them cute. I remember last year I left a can of honey roasted peanuts out on my patio for them to enjoy the little sugary crumbs left at the bottom. When I went out to get it, one was still eating. He ran away and then turned around to yell at me! It was the funniest noise! He was so mad.

The one in the picture is found in Northern Europe. Sadly they don't have the same immunology as the grey squirrels we see and they are slowly disappearing. Because of their rodent nature, many people could care less. But when I was in Vienna I thought they were the cutest little guys!

Well, no matter what kind of weather you're having, I hope you have a Happy Thanksgiving Holiday!

xox

Law School

2008-11-21T18:05:00.008-05:00

I've decided to study law. Yep. Me. A lawyer.

I have had a lot of interesting ideas of where I could end up. When I began college, I was a business major. I was going to open up my own coffee shop and take over Starbucks. After working for a few shops I decided that I didn't really want that line of work. I wanted something... more.

I changed my major to Art History. It was an interest and I thought it would serve as an edge to getting into a good business school especially when coupled with my business minor. But then I wasn't sure if I wanted to even go into business.

I decided to add a French major to my major and minor. I wanted to learn french really well before studying abroad and with all my credits from Paris completing it didn't seem that much more.

Studying abroad made me eligible to add an International Studies major. So I did that too.

Now I have three majors and a minor. My college focus had been to study abroad but after that I felt very much like I was up a creek without a paddle. Did I continue my education in french? Did I continue with Art History?

All I could think about was getting back to Paris but no line of work promised that. I didn't want to do business, especially International Business. I knew that would make me unhappy.

After a lot of soul searching and uncertainty, I went to this really depressing career day for Art History students. At this time I thought I might get my masters in Medieval Architecture of France. But still, with working in the museum sector and eventually in a university, I couldn't help but feel like there was something different out there for me.

Someone mentioned that an Art History student went on to work for Charles Schwab in the finances sector of art. I also knew from taking a Risk Management course that insurance companies also played a big role in art and therefore would need someone knowledgeable about it as well as insurance. Finance and insurance aren't my thing.

But then I realized Law. Art Law. In my courses, we've talked about different pieces of work and struggles for ownership. It gets really interesting when you have cases like the sculptures from the Parthenon. The British Museum owns about half of the pieces. Now Athens wants them back. They have a good case. The British Museum has a good case. It's situations like these that definitely call for lawyers! In fact, Peru and Yale were in a similar situation that eventually went to trial. Yale had to send back a majority of their Machu Picchu artifacts.

I see myself working in a large firm taking all the cases that involve art, as not only a lawyer but an intellect in the field of art. I could see this having an appeal to clients. They would have someone fighting for them that understood what it was they were fighting for.

I am so excited. I'm enrolling in an LSAT prep course for January and I'll take the test this summer. I'm hoping my score is good enough so that I can apply to an Ivy League. My GPA is strong and I have such an interesting academic career. Hopefully I'll stand out.

I've looked at Columbia. They have a great curriculum for Law and Art. I've also looked at UC Berkley and Stanford. They also have great programs and it would be so nice to go back to California.

It all depends on my LSAT score though. First that, then a great application.

Well wish me luck! I'll keep you posted on this lengthy process.

Special Day

2008-11-20T05:16:00.001-05:00

It's a morning of snow! Finally the excuse to wear my coach boots... Glorious!

Fun with Pollock

2008-11-19T01:19:00.005-05:00

Jackson Pollock

Paris Time

2008-11-18T19:06:00.005-05:00

Leave it to me to find a way to seep Paris into every element of my daily life. When I get bundled up, I pay special attention to the way my scarf is tied, as I did in Paris. I put on the winter hat that I found in Paris. I click the heels of the shoes that I found in Paris. My apartment looks like Paris: the soft blue found on oxidized iron from the Pont d'Alexandre III on a typical Paris cloudy day and many scenes of Paris: the Marais, St, Michel, Montmartre, the Bastille, l'Opera, le Tour Eiffel, and many more. My dishes are the Baroque and Rococo prints found all over France during the 18th century. I eat chocolates shaped like the Eiffel Tower and serve cheese on a platter covered in french. Most of the books on my shelf are in french. Those that aren't are about France. My iPod has mostly french music. My dvd collection - french film.

Well, lucky me to have found one more aspect of my life to make french as well - tea.

I bought french tea cups that remind of me of a store I adored in the Marais - little 2 dimensional chandeliers in silver on a white cup. These little cups will go perfectly with my favorite tea, and what do you know, it's called Paris.

Both packages came today in the mail. I could have kissed the UPS man. I'll take anything to help me romanticize Paris and bring it here in my heart and memories.

Now if only I could find the perfect teapot.

Oh... and a ticket back home.

Luxe

2008-11-15T09:27:00.004-05:00

Saying words like delicate, lovely, and divine.
Choosing one real leather purse over a couple faux ones.
Fabric of every texture, design, and beauty.
Wearing heels with jeans.
Shoes.
Coffee in the cutest, plus chic mug.
Wearing red lipstick and not caring that no one else is.
A perfume tray with all my favorite designer scents.
Speaking french, reading it's mystery.
Best luxury of all - having a friend to do all this with.

Hi Professor Asshole, and Welcome to Starbucks

2008-11-14T17:39:00.011-05:00

Ok, not really, but I don't know what it is about the Green Apron that makes people think I'm not a person. One of the things I enjoy most is connecting with the customer but it's really hard to compliment their sweater or notice the book they are reading and inquire about it when all you get after, "Good morning, how are you today [big smile and look for eye contact]?" is a blunt, "small coffee."

Green is the color of life. It symbolizes abundance (which we provide) and health (which is an option even at Starbucks). Green provides rest and emphasizes relaxation. And yet, the line is filled with asshole after asshole who when they see the green apron, fail to be subdued by its calming effect and bark out their demands as if that's all I'm good for.

It's one thing when someone is rude to you that you don't know. It's another thing when someone is rude to you and recognizes you... from the front row of their class. Being in a university town it's only natural that professors would like to stop by for their morning coffee. Many of our customers (a lot of the really nice, charming ones) work as advisors, deans of colleges, professors, or in other fields related to students and the university. Being a great place to work while getting through college, it's only natural that a large porpotion of our employees be students. Et voilà... worlds collide outside the university walls.

I was so nervous when the professor of my favorite class came in. I had had a meeting with him in his office the day before and noticed there that his personable skills were lacking, but not enough for me to hate him yet. I made him his latte and when I handed it to him, I noticed he recognized me but he didn't smile. Didn't say a word. Just stared through his goggle eyes with a blank look, took his drink, and left.

Then he came in again, "Hi Prof Mc..."small coffee."...." He was rude, just like that. He knew who I was. He knew the questions I had asked in class and the projects I was working on. After getting his order, I finish up work, change my clothes, and go to his class of twenty, sit in the front, and wait to be enlightened. Begrudgingly.

Today was the worst though. There was a long line and if he just wanted to be treated like any other asshole that comes in, I was going to usher him along and move onto the next customer. I was already nervous and awkward from him just being there. He asked for a venti coffee for which another Barista was already getting, I took his twenty, and then gave him his change.

"This isn't right..."

I look down and see that he had ordered a Grande, not a Venti which is actually a common mistake as there is room for miscommunication between the cashier (moi), the expediter (person taking the order), and the customer (lui).

But for him, nothing is simple. Everything is complex and intellectually stimulating. so there is a moment of confusion when he immediately tries to tell me how to fix it by giving him such and such change and whatever, in a rude and demeaning tone. There is a long line of people at the door and I'm not there to argue or take a math review. Besides, I'm not worried about how the customer thinks I should handle it, I know how Starbucks works with the cash register and he doesn't. And quite frankly, I see myself as intelligent and I don't want to give him room to think I'm not.

But the unnecessary way in which he worded things made me feel like such an idiot.

"No, look, I have you this..." thrusts a fist full of change in my face, thanks, that helps.

"Then I have this. This was for a tip." Some extra change. Yippee. It's not even relevant.

So finally I do it my way, which he reluctantly complies with, which is just to refund him using the register (a step that won't even involve him) and start over because that way I can get the cash drawer open to fix it anyways. I gave him the change for a grande and got him the hell out of there!

Even other Baristas (who didn't know I was his student) came up to me and told me he was a total prick.

Here's what really bothers me though. I sit respectfully through each lecture. I'm engaged. I am there to learn. I do good work as it is so I'm not trying to kiss ass. I always earn my grade. Even the bad ones. I know he has two kids, he knows I studied abroad. He knows I'm interested in Vienna's Secession and I know he worked at the Met.

How can you treat someone like they are an idiot, a nobody, when you know they are a person with a life? Especially when your role as a professor is to inspire and educate? to discover your students passion and help them ignite it into a reality they can taste?

I don't think this guy ever saw his greatness teaching the lesser beings. When I talked to him about grad school for Art History, he said, "Have you talked to any of your professors? You should talk to them." What did he think I was doing? HE IS ONE OF MY PROFESSORS!

What does he think his role here on campus is? How is being such an impersonable prick going to help him achieve it?

I've had great professors. Professors clearly interested in the lives of their students. Some choose to talk about it in class, asking if any of us had birthdays or traveled over the weekend. Others are very into their lecture but are approachable and when they find out a little about you, they ask questions to find out more. I've had bad professors as well. One in particular came into Starbucks. We had a great conversation about Italy.

I don't know what this guys deal is. He is by far the biggest asshole I have ever had as a professor and he gives me just one more reason on why I will be so glad to finish this semester.

Love Letter

2008-11-12T18:28:00.006-05:00

Dear Prince,

I have become increasingly worried about a very sensitive matter, one concerning your health and well-being. It has come to my attention, as well as to the attention of the maidens in the kingdom, that you may in fact be blind.

This may come as a surprise to you, and I do not wish to offend you, however...

I'M PRANCING AROUND UNNOTICED and no true prince would allow this unless, well, unless he were handicapped.

So please get your ~~head~~ eyes checked out by a good doctor. Your future health is at stake.

Sincerely,

Princess

The Power of Choice

2008-11-12T09:21:00.002-05:00

Say no to someone if it means time for yourself.
Claim the freedom to run barefoot in the sand.
Laugh, when no one is watching.
Finger paint your favorite colors and hang the canvas in your apartment.
Read the books you've always wanted to and never took the time.
Take pictures of the things that make you smile.
Have a Martini Morning over brunch with your friends.
Go grocery shopping at 1am.
Always dress up like you're going somewhere or have someone to see.
Remember tomorrow is for your dreams, this moment is for you.

Diary of a Prince-less Princess

2008-11-10T21:12:00.007-05:00

I've come to realize that the boys, yes boys, my age don't understand relationships.

Big surprise.

They seem to not understand that you can kiss someone without having feelings, before or after the fact. That you can spend time with someone and still remain uninterested. That you can flirt, and want nothing more than to soak up the moments of laughter and fun that come with flirting itself, and not with whom you are flirting.

It's not just boys that have this misconception. It's also immature girls and it drives me mad.

So I remain uninterested and what's worse, I feel like I can't even have fun because everyone at this university begins assuming it's serious. Oh these young'uns.

I've gotten to the point where I am excited my older, wiser, much more mature friends have older, wiser, much more mature friends they are trying to hook me up with -- without the assumption each of us are going to fall madly in love with each other simply because we're enjoying the moment.

**Sigh of relief!**

More on Eavesdropping

2008-11-10T20:12:00.003-05:00

I was up to it again. It was kind of hard not to be. When you're attempting to focus on studies while a group of chatty knitters are gossiping loudly, their conversation pierces the focus.

None the less, there I am trying to study and they are just going and going, talking faster than their fingers are knitting, yarn spread across a large table in the corner of Barnes and Noble.

Somehow the middle aged women got on the conversation of dreams and one of them blurts out, "I keep dreaming I'm in a room full of yard, and I take all my cloths off and roll in it!"

If only I could have focused on studying my syntax work.

Things I am thankful for:

2008-11-06T01:03:00.004-05:00

The awareness that God hasn't given up on me yet.
The fallen golden leaves left untouched by rakers and blowers.
The smell of chimney smoke filling the open air.
The smell of my soap lingering on my body after a quick shower.
The feeling of stretching.... then relaxing in my own body.
Moist lips.
My nicely made bed with fluffy pillows.
Painted toenails.
The thought of a true friend.
Being able to watch a french movie, read a french poem, or curl up to a french book.
Deep breaths.
This moment...

What are you thankful for?

Book Review

2008-10-29T22:43:00.004-05:00

Just kidding! I'm not reading any books right now... outside of required readings for classes, that is!

But I have decided to build my library on every book I can find on art theory and history. How I love it!

It's just a shame that my career path thrives on a healthy economy. Art is always the first to get the boot when things head south like this. It's a luxury no one cares to afford. And graduating with a degree in it this next fall places me at the bottom of the totem pole for getting hired.

No matter where or what my office be when I am finished (and if I don't even get that lucky, I'll resort to my apartment), I'm hanging all three of my diplomas up - each in gold leaf, elegantly carved wood, thick heavy frames worthy of Jacques-Louis David.

Birthday Blunders

2008-10-25T12:55:00.010-05:00

It was supposed to be fun but I'll have to admit, this wasn't the best birthday, not even in the top 10.

After classes, I was so excited to begin my birthday that I ran for the bus just so I could get home a little faster... and sprained my ankle.

At the the puppy place, all the little baby animals were completely tired from a day of play and rough housing. So instead of romping around with them, I spent a good portion of the time trying to wake them up.

Then my dinner. Normally I am a good cook but this was awful! The salmon was completely dried out - salmon jerky. The green beans were overdone, the carrots were funky but the wine, well the wine and cheese were delicious. But I didn't make those. I had better luck cooking dinner in my Paris chambre de bonne with only two burners and no oven or counter space.

After that I was invited to a party. What I figured might be fun turned out to be an underaged college party. When people found it was my 23rd birthday I got one of the following responses:

23? I feel like that's the age where you are really starting to get old! How's it feel?
Wow! 23! I turn 21 in a week.
My friend turned 21... what was it? like, 2 months ago.
Oh, I turn 20 in January.

This ended when my friend started telling everyone it was my 21st. Like that made me feel any better!

Oh, and let's not forget to mention the high schoolers. Two tall stick figure guys, that when I pushed for their high school status, said "What's your problem?" Oops! Sorry I don't think you're hot stuff! Nice try on trying to act at least 19.

So, I left as soon as I could and went to a friends house to watch The Boondock Saints.

Happy 23rd Birthday to me!

At least it's not like this will foreshadow my next year here, I'll just have to work extra hard to find people who's idea of a party include wine, classy cocktails, art gallery openings, and lounges rather than underaged parties, beer, sports bars, and pubs.

However, I think I am in the wrong college town for that.

Today is the Day!

2008-10-24T12:39:00.004-05:00

Ok - so today is my birthday and I am going to celebrate it with my friends by...

Going to a pet store to play with their puppies and kittens!

After going out for some ice cream, a few friends are coming over to my apartment for a special dinner. I'm cooking Mahi Mahi or Salmon with vegetables and a cheese platter. I'll have a couple of bottles of delicious wine, which I am really looking forward too. Dessert will be baked apples and then a movie.

My parents sent me the most beautiful vase of flowers - red roses! So beautiful! So fragrant!

Tomorrow we are going bowling with a number of people to celebrate 3 birthdays from this week. And then to a friends house to watch our university's football game.

I am very excited!

But mostly for tonights wine.

My Birthday: Princess Fashion

2008-10-20T20:40:00.012-05:00

Nothing says birthday better than champagne.

And imagine my surprise when that's just the gift I received. Not any plain and simple bottle of champagne, but one very few people actually get to experience.

With crystal Waterford champagne flutes clicking over brunch, smiles all around, soft laughter of enjoyment from the people closest to me, glass after glass of Dom Pérignon were poured for me, in celebration of me. And it felt so good to be honored in such a way, that they were willing to share this exclusive treasure for my 23rd birthday.

No one has ever made me feel like such a Princess!

It's not even the actual day yet, but the celebration continues...

Coffee for One

2008-10-16T07:02:00.005-05:00

I wish I had someone to sit over coffee with. And just chat about everything and nothing.

Is this not the plight of every human? If so, then why are we still confined to our own tables?

I'm ready

2008-10-15T05:53:00.006-05:00

Decorating Dreams

2008-10-11T20:19:00.011-05:00

At home on a Saturday night. And I like it. Finally, I have the time to sit back and relax. For the first time since this summer, I have a two day weekend! It feels heavenly, really, it does.

So I am working on my apartment decorating. I once tried to count all the Eiffel Towers I have (from pictures and posters to lamps and statue replicas) and got bored but it's over 10. I'm kinda tired of it, to be honest. French, Paris, and France are not the Eiffel Tower. And I want my apartment to be more Parisian, more France, more Vienna. So out with the Eiffel Tower, and in with art.

So I was inspired by one of my new TV show interests: Dirty Sexy Money, of course! Have you taken the time to notice the art they have to decorate each of the scenes? My favorite was Carmelita's living room; brightly colored walls decorated with multiple frames each a different design and size, even color with art and photography. Talk about high class escort! Then there is the painting in Tripp Darling's office. And of course, the art gallery Lisa George is fired from. Art is everywhere and I love it!

Of course, I am just a starving college student in the middle of a recession, so I can't afford to buy anything worthy of my recognition in the first place but I can afford to dream.

Here is my apartment now:

In the dining room, I am looking to replace the large black and white Eiffel Tower with this:

I like it because it reminds of Paris and it's in my dining room, so you can imagine yourself sitting across the street at an outdoor café, enjoying the scene.

I have an authentic, traditional Provençal table cloth from Aix en Provence when I was there last summer and it is full of color: vivid blues, pinks, orange, green. That's going to replace the heavy black table cloth. For this reason I am really thinking the little painting over my "dish closet" should be less blue, and more varied in color, but I still love the peacock:

Now, the salon presents a problem for me. I have been attracted to the color red and am torn between redoing it completely or keeping what I have. I think what I might do, since I have some flexibility with accessories, is use the blue/tan for winter and spring, and red/orange for summer and fall.

Keeping with the blue theme, the Eiffel Tower over the futon (which is actually wrapping paper) will be replaced with this, which is called Expectation by Gustav Klimpt, a very famous Austrian (Viennese) artist during the Art Nouveau or Austrian Secession period:

And I'd find a way to incorporate this and some others yet to be discovered:

If I switch to red, I want these:

Now the fun begins...

What do you think?

Eavesdropping Pays Off

2008-10-07T18:47:00.011-05:00

I was spending the afternoon in a coffee shop reading the college newspaper. I don't know why I read it as I am often disappointed with the quality of the articles, the content, the opinions in the editorials, and, most importantly, the comic section. But none the less, there I was sitting in the little cramped café going through the articles.

I really must not give much thought or reflection into reading the paper because I found myself unable to stop eavesdropping to the table next to mine. I've observed that old couples can have the strangest dialogs and these two were no exception. The conversation went from books to mushrooms (which the lady was oddly carrying around in her purse) to university politics in a manner I wasn't able to follow.

Soon, their conversation just got more and more captivating and I found myself disregarding the paper completely and just sitting back to eavesdrop.

At this point the old man turns to the old woman and asks, "What are you going to do today?"

"Well," she responds, "I'm going to teach, then I'm going to get a pedicure."

"Oh, wow."

"It'll be my first ever!" she adds.

"Oh, is that right."

"Mmm hmmm"

"Well, you know, you ought to bring a tape recorder," he suggests.

"And why is that?"

"Well, they say that it makes the closest sounds to passionate sex."

"Oh is that right?"

"You know, ooooo, augh!!!"

And they giggle, as I pick up my things to leave, rolling my eyes and yet smirking, knowing I have just found something too good to be lost.

What has me thinking the most is the idea of recording the sounds similar to passionate sex. Wouldn't you just rather have the sex than listen to something like it? What purpose would that serve for the old man? What good would a tape recording be? Is this all the poor guy has to look forward to in his old age?

And further more, I was struck, as I often am, by the amount of ignorance. I have never heard anyone squealing, screaming, howling, or ooo'ing in the midst of a pedicure. Where on earth did this man get that idea? I can just see him imagining something like The Turkish Baths by Ingres (which is a sensual exaggeration of the reality). The idea makes me laugh especially when I think of those very aesthetically-unpleasant asian salons that are becoming more and more popular. Can you imagine a room full of women sitting in dirty leather salon chairs, the overwhelming smell of nail polish, with someone bending down at their feet, working away at the thick, dirty calluses with pumas stone, and each of the women screaming out in the sounds of passionate sex?

Oh the eroticism!

So not there...

Perhaps I am the one in error. Perhaps getting a pedicure is representative of your sex-style. Well, if that's the case, than what do we say about those who are sleeping?

The Quest for a Little Freedom

2008-10-05T14:07:00.021-05:00

Man! I have just been too busy this week! I had two exams to cram for and I think it paid off but I am exhausted!

And it's only just begun!

I've also got two more exams and then I have four papers whose deadlines are all in the same week. It's going to come rushing up on me so quickly! Too quickly. I think it's time I begin researching.

Don't you ever just want to run free? Free from obligations,

responsibilities, routine? Free from expectations. I mean, think about how great that would feel!

Run away, hop on a plane to Scotland and hike through their lush country side. Run freely through fields of sun flowers in Tuscany. Or lavender in Provence. To drink Tequila in Mexico or live on a boat in the Caribbean.

The freedom to live the ideal life, your ideal.

But in reality, I have been too busy to relax and I can feel this tension all over my body and in my mind. All I have been wanting to do is find ways to get the tension out of my system and clear my mind - blow off some steam. Laughing with friends would help. A spa day would be sublime. At the very least, the fragrance of lavender filling my apartment while the breeze blows through open windows on a sunny afternoon would sooth me.

Though taking the time to smell the flowers would be nice, ultimately what would help the most is sitting down and tackling these projects. At least I got some house work done yesterday. Doing my laundry and cleaning up my apartment made my place livable. It also gave me clean sheets to curl up in last night.

**heavy sigh of blissful relaxation**

But still, it's as if I never got a weekend.

Life... It just comes too quickly!

Thank You!

2008-10-04T00:38:00.008-05:00

Hey Readers! This is just a little note to thank you for reading my blog. I'm so excited to see that people have taken an interest in the outpourings of a mind that wanders everywhere. You wonderful readers seem to come from everywhere as well... Poland, England, France, Germany, Chile and from the east to the west of the USA. How exciting!

I also want to send out a special thank you to those who have taken the time to leave comments! Nothing means more to me than connecting to my reader, and you have shown me that you identify with me and relate to my posts. It's so great to know this!

Thanks again!

xox

Stephanie

who would have thought?

2008-10-02T14:46:00.009-05:00

I am not a fan of Renoir, personally. I don't like his focus on portraits and the human form during the later stages of his career, especially at this point in art history. My mom, on the other hand, adores his painting and was even brought to tears at the one below when we saw it at the Met. Two little girls in matching frilly dresses, playing with a big dog that has long since given up the notion of a moments peace. The mom relaxed and lovingly reflective. The adoring daughters seeking her attention and affection, perhaps telling her something they found funny or important in their young, growing minds.

It is a touching portrait in which I am sure many mothers see a piece of themselves and their families.

Pierre-Auguste Renoir, Madame Charpentier and Her Children, 1879

Here is why I brought it up though. The younger girl smiling down at her sister... is actually the son of the family. Yes, she is a little boy.

That's so Coco!

2008-09-27T17:25:00.032-05:00

I have always been keeping my eyes out for the Audrey Hepburn of our time. How silly of me to think that this actress might come from Hollywood. Can they produce anything even remotely elegant in this day and age? I doubt it.

Even after living in France for a year, I never thought of the French. Sure, I'd seen all of Tautou's movies but it didn't occur to me that she could be the one I have been waiting for even after watching her elegantly prance around the musical Pas sur la bouche.

Only after seeing Priceless (Hors de prix en français) did I realize I had been looking for diamonds in all the wrong places.

I've just read (admitably late) that Audrey Tautou is starring in Coco avant Chanel, a biotic film about the life of the greatest designer in woman's fashion... ever. I suppose the French movie industry is trying to see what other sensational biographies they can create from their rich list of historical figures after the great success of La vie en rose. I think it goes without saying that this will bypass the Shirly MacLaine Lifetime TV movie, Chanel No. 1. Did Lifetime really believe they were good enough to attempt such a feat? Did they really think it note worthy to cast a post-menopausal american woman as Coco? Did they really think this half-assed effort could capture her entire french essence? I'm a bit offended.

Oops... I must sound so snobby. Well, no apologies. France deserves fresh recognition for their films after the long lasting stereotype of "film for films sake" especially after the Time Magazine article from last year.

Let's throw our old Amelie notions of Tautou out the window; she is no longer the awkward love-struck french girl trying to grasp the attention of her lover. Look at Tautou's expression in the movie poster. The strength, the power, the passion all in a single stare. If she can embody everything we think of as Gabrielle Chanel in a simple snapshot, imagine what she can do in a full length movie feature. Americans have been too hard on her after the crumble of The Da Vinci Code.

She isn't the only one in need of some positive recognition. Someone once tried to tell me that Gabrielle Chanel wasn't great because she wasn't the nicest person, frankly, she was a bitch. Since when was greatness measured by how nice we are? Take a look at the time and culture she was in and perhaps you'll come to understand that she was exactly what she needed to be in order to do what she did. She should be celebrated for not allowing such thick, hard walls to stand in her way and I hope this film will do just that for her!

Obviously if you read my previous post on my little shopping spree, you can guess that I can't

wait to get my hands on this when it's available on DVD. Audrey Tautou is to us what Catherine Deneuve was to the 60's and I look forward to watching this young actress' career continue to unfold just as much as I enjoy looking back at Deneuve's.

Too bad this film isn't due to hit the screens until 2009, and that's only in France. It's going to take far too long for the film to make it's way to the USA. With any luck, I'll be living in Paris, or at least London by that time!

Shopping Spree

2008-09-27T14:31:00.010-05:00

It must be the rain. Once the rain meant hot chocolate, coloring books, and rain boots, now falling drops bring with them the sensations of Paris in the Fall. And though I feel it in my heart and experience it in my dreams, my eyes don't see it, my feet do not walk upon it, my nose doesn't smell it, and I certainly don't hear it. The architecture is missing, the tiny little cobble stone streets, the markets (oh the markets!), the accordion players, the metro, and soon roasted chestnuts will fill the entire city with the fragrance of the season. This little collage town is far from Paris.

And my heart aches to be there, in the Marais, a café, along the Seine. Home in Pasteur. L'opèra, the Madeleine, the Champs-Elysée. The language.

So I went on a little shopping spree in an attempt to have a little piece of Paris here with me.

I have to admit I am a bit disappointed with the book on 20th century poetry. I wasn't thinking it would be french on one side, english on the other, I figured it would be solely en français (i mean, ce vient de Yale!). Another thing that got me down is the tranlation. It's horrible! I know that the translators are also expected to keep with the rhythm of the poetry but I guess I am not that sympathetic to people who are limited to the english half of the book.

Mais tante pis pour moi.

Bisous et bon week-end, je vais tout de suite rentrer à Paris... même si seulement dans les films.

New Bathroom

2008-09-24T20:09:00.004-05:00

I am wanting to alter my living space. Basically, freshen up the posters I have framed around my apartment and add some fresh color. I have been craving large quantities of the color red, but have yet to find a way of using it without completely redoing my living room. It really doesn't go with the things I have. Perhaps I should use it in my bedroom, but I was really attached to the idea of it in the living room.

So I am going to start by showing you the theme to my bathroom. I found some photography I really like and am working with some new colors. Right now it feels a little perky with orange and hot pink. I am going for feminine, clean and sexy. Here are some ideas.

I image a wall with a picture frame collage. Black and whites with a soft pink. I don't want the pink to be too soft, I want more of a sensual idea. That's where my portraits come in. I also threw in some abstracts to carry the eye. On the vanity the color will continue with soft pink in a perfume bottle, in some flowers, in a picture... you get the point. Mostly though, vintage white.

I really love the photography and the touch of the lips from Warhol. It's not definite yet... but when I finally get the chance to do this, I'll be sure to post a picture!

Favorites of Fall

2008-09-23T22:12:00.006-05:00

I need to get a cat....

p e a c e

2008-09-18T17:50:00.011-05:00

"Acceptance of others, their looks, their behaviors, their beliefs, bring you an inner peace and tranquillity -- instead of anger and resentment."
- Unknown

I have gotten swept away by the stupid drama at work, by the "i don't like what she does... he did it this way... oh my god, she said this and now..."

Yeah, I'm guilty.

And I go home and lay in bed and feel heavy, ugly, and guilty.

I need to take a step back. I don't want to be the one all wrapped up in this crap and of course, this is what happens when you mix work with your social life. I knew this all along.

It's time to rise above. It's time to find peace with myself and peace among others. It's time to be sweet and not sour.

This summer, I felt so much more on track with my spiritual life. Now it is a disarray, a train wreck, the falling trail of dirt on the horse track.

sleepless night

2008-09-16T01:29:00.008-05:00

2am.

Work at 5am.

Classes until 4pm.

May I please go back to sleep....

I'm a feminist... and by that I mean a lady.

2008-09-14T17:34:00.025-05:00

"I don't mind living in a man's world as long as I can be a woman in it."

-Marilyn Monroe

Yeah, I'm a feminist, that's to say I celebrate the luxury of being feminine. While some women have decided to shed any sign of femininity to blend into the male dominated Wall Street America (beware, this is a tangent: and thank you, ladies, you have provided the stereotypical image in the US for what a "true" feminist is (i am aware that this image is fading, but the negative connotation and that image associated with feminism is most certainly found among the longer lived generations), I have decided to soak up the privilege that comes with being a woman.

I don't fit the stereotype of a feminist, nor do I share all the views. I just love being a woman and I enjoy all things girly. I make no apologies for attending 400-level business courses with pink paper. My favorite necklace is my strand of pearls. I tie little scarves around my neck à la française just to add a touch of class to a simple outfit. I pick my perfumes based on the weather and the occasion (Burberry Gold or Prada for hot, humid summer nights. Guerlain or Burberry Touch for Women for cooler spring days, etc). I always carry three different shades of pink lip gloss: Dior, Chanel, and Lancôme. I change my purse for the outfit (as everyone should), and I carry my cash in a little business card case, studded with rhinestones and decorated in black and white baroque design that fits perfectly into a tiny pink leather case.

Sick of the feminism yet? I'm not.

I also hold my head high as a lady. Elegance, poise, and manners are essential skills of life that everyone should learn. Kate Spade's books on the matter should be an early edition to every teenage girls collection. We should not associate inferiority with the door being held open for us. Sure, we are fully capable of doing it ourselves and he knows it. He's acknowledging our presence, our grace, our elegance. He should be thanked as many women have banned together to kill chivalry, and it's suffocating.

Let's open a bottle of fine wine, kick off our ballerina flats, and flash our pink toenails. Let's lather in lotions and oils and soak up the smell of roses, lavender, or vanilla. Let's wear pink! And giggle. And may our flushed cheeks not be from the embarrassment of doing so!

**Note to men: please stop spitting in public. I want to find you attractive and that just kills all chances.

**Note to those who love the pics: the most elegant Gabrielle (Coco) Chanel is first, next Jackie O with her iconic sunglasses, then a collection of art from Ashley David, and finally, the ever lovely Audrey Hepburn.

i found my beer... and it's blue

2008-09-12T16:42:00.011-05:00

I always stuck my nose up to beer. I was too good for the stereotypical beer belly high school losers drinking soap in a can. How could I not have this attitude? I had grown up in a conservative religion in northern California, where a glass of wine was pushing the limit.

When i first started drinking, I went straight to Bacardi and Smirnoff with sprite. This quickly became boring for me, even with the 101 flavors. My friends rolled their eyes, chick beverage! When I was shipped away to France and I quickly developed a taste for wine, especially red wines. I learned everything I could about pairing wines with food and lamented my underaged years living in Napa Valley... if only...

Back home, I decided it was finally time to try beer. After all, it deserved a chance and I couldn't afford rum and vodka all the time. My beer friends laughed at my ignorance and continued rolling their eyes at my lack of appreciation for America's number one alcoholic beverage. It was time to develop the taste for something new.

So one night, a bartender suggested a lambic frambroise. It was good but too sweet and didn't have the beer flavor I was wanting to try, plus it was expensive while I was trying to save a penny. So then, I tried Woodchuck Cider. Good that night, but never good since. It's way to heavy and sweet. But it did break me in. I no longer taste the beerness of it and well, i'll consider that a good sign.

Then one night, I was at a bar with a close friend discussing my curiosity with beer when a girl, who overheard our conversation, suggested Wild Blue. I was sold instantly! Beer Gurus will tell you that this beer is crap. A number of people gave it a D. But for me, I love it. i love the blueberry flavor and I love the cute kickass blue dog on the label (no apology Beer Gods, this matters to a girl like me). I've suggested this to a number of girlfriends, and, well, we've all fallen head over heels.

Just be careful though, there is an 8% AVB compared to the average 3 to 5%. Though I wouldn't say I learned this the hard way, it was certainly a surprise.

My beer adventures haven't stopped there, but for tonight, margaritas.

Have a good weekend!

Sweet Revenge

2008-09-08T20:40:00.006-05:00

So the week I got back from France, both my credit cards were stolen. I don't know how to explain both of them ending up missing, I had my purse with me the whole time and I can account for the people I was with at the time they went missing. The last time I used one, I was at a pharmacy. Then I went to the movies. Before the movie was over, they had already started spending $400 at Walmart, then the same at Target, they then went out to dinner at one of my favorite restaurants, and got gas the next morning. Over $1000 gone in less than a day.

I only had two complaints:

The bank had to do 2 weeks worth of paper work, so my account remained severely overdrawn and i was penniless.
Most importantly, why didn't I ever get a shopping spree?

They never found the guy. Sadly the loss is less than it would take to find him, so they take the loss and the guy stays out there waiting for the next opportunity to come along.

Well I stumbled across this article today and it made me laugh. The guy that got ahold of my cards was at least "smart" enough never to get caught. But this, this is classic.

Enjoy the irony as much as I have, and I am sure many of you can relate to the delight in wishing this upon the culprit in an all-around crappy situation.

I'm off to sweet dreams now, that is if I can even make it to the REM cycle. I have to be up by 4am to get ready for work. Hope you special readers have a much more refreshed morning than I'm headed for!

love poetry

2008-09-06T09:07:00.006-05:00

Below is an EE Cummings poem that was brought to my attention by a good friend. I love this poem. Not only for the playful imagery that comes to mind when reading it, but also because of Cummings use of parentheses that draw you down, back and forth over the text. Coincidence? No, not with Cummings.

I hope you find as much delight in it as I have. It really is... cute. lol

may i feel said he

by e e cummings

may i feel said he
(i'll squeal said she
just once said he)
it's fun said she

(may i touch said he
how much said she
a lot said he)
why not said she

(let's go said he
not too far said she
what's too far said he
where you are said she)

may i stay said he
(which way said she
like this said he
if you kiss said she

may i move said he
is it love said she)
if you're willing said he
(but you're killing said she

but it's life said he
but your wife said she
now said he)
ow said she

(tiptop said he
don't stop said she
oh no said he)
go slow said she

(cccome?said he
ummm said she)
you're divine!said he
(you are Mine said she)

Hidden Meaning

2008-09-05T13:51:00.009-05:00

Wait in line, 'Till your time, Ticking clock
Everyone stop

-Zero 7, In the Waiting Line

Vanitas Self-Portrait completed by David Bailly, 1651

At first glance, it's just a busy painting. It's nothing too out of the ordinary, right? It's a portrait of a man, surrounded by many other portraits. There are things on the tables, things you'd expect to see on tables: candle stick, wine glass, pearls, cloth, little statues, peonies. Maybe you wouldn't expect a skull, but this is the sixteen hundreds, so why not?

But of course, as I am sure you have guessed, every single object in the painting brings with it a piece of the story. In the case of this painting, the symbols (hourglass, snuffed out candle, the lute, dying flowers) of time run out with objects luxury status(pearls, pipe, portraiture, silver, sculpture, silk, tea infuser) mock the pointlessness of vanity (in latin, vanitas, hence the name of the movement this painting belongs to) found amongst the rich. After all, we'll all just end up like the ghostly sketch on the wall, faded with time and hidden behind more important matters of the here and now.

Maybe it was meant to be that I lost all my photography. It's kinda funny, actually, because I noticed that while in France, I felt very out of the moment if i didn't have my camera. What was the point of visiting that monument, if I couldn't even document that I was there? Yet, I felt almost guilty with each shot and realized that by relying on the camera to decide whether or not I had experienced the trip, I was actually not experiencing the moment. After a year, I had taken nearly 1000 a month. What was I planning to do with those?

Perhaps this should just be viewed as a reminder that the finer things in life are the memories I'll carry with me forever in my heart, not my hard drive.

Life is never what it seems at a glance. Those snapshots, though important to me, could never capture the essence of the moment and the impact France had on who I am. What was is no more. Each photo is now fading away on some wall somewhere in my mind, and I'm living today, influenced by moments passed but not hung up on it.

Crappy Cup of Coffee

2008-09-04T20:36:00.009-05:00

I ain't happy or feeling glad, I've got sunshine in a bag, I'm useless but not for long, the future is comin' on.

- Gorillaz, Clint Eastwood

I feel like this moment of my life is a train going off its tracks. When i got back from France (which proved to be a great year I had planned myself), I kinda thought that life would be just as easy to continue planning away. Though I refused to put somethings in the box of planning, I pretty much had things all figured out in my head.

This was to be my last year at my university and it was going to be great. I planned a series of intellectual and stimulating hobbies: a life drawing course, dance lessons, fitness classes. I got a bike to help cut back on gas, help the environment, help my health. I branched out at work, ignoring my tendency to write people off upon introduction, to being open to make new friends. I mean, everyone has some special dynamic to bring to my life, right? My spiritual life was on the ups and I was looking forward to see where it led me, who it brought in my path, and making new friends because of it. I got a parrot for the fun of learning how to care for an unfamiliar species. I looked forward to becoming a shift supervisor, I was excited to join clubs at school. My life was going to be good and filled with excitement and adventure.

But everything you see above, and I mean everything, hasn't worked out... To make matters worse, I am unmotivated in my classes (and am not going graduate this year after all), unhappy with my social life, and my computer crashed leaving without any souvenirs from the greatest year of my college experience and adventure, an honestly depressing and jarring experience.

The logical side of me is trying to look on the bright side of things: it's all going to be ok, I'll heal and move on, this is temporary, blah blah blah. But the emotional side of me is telling me to just stay in bed all day, lounge around, and be depressed, eat all the chocolate ice cream I want (I haven't had a spoonful yet, only because i don't want to walk to the grocery store), wallow around in self-pity and anger, and just not care.

The reality of it is that this dark cloud will eventually pass and I just need to sit in the rain, and wait for the sun to shine through to dry my sopping wet, cold attitude. Eventually it will, but the forecast says not today, and chances aren't looking good for tomorrow either.

right when you think you know someone

2008-09-03T13:47:00.006-05:00

I love how they used to say,
It's all in your head.
You're a paranoid picture,
You're a photograph...

- The Black Maria, Betrayal

You know that Sex and the City episode when Carrie's hard drive crashes and she loses all of her articles, thoughts, and ponderings from moments passed?

Welcome to my sitcom.

My nice, lovely little pink Mac just died and though I am paying an arm and a leg to see if it is possible to get my information back, odds are against it. If I had kept a backup hard drive, this little mishaps would have only cost me a week with no computer while repairs were being made. However, I was one of the many who thought it would never happen to me: Not me, not my laptop.

I am in a mourning process, *moment of silence please* for the 10,000+ pictures I'd taken while galavanting around Paris, France, Germany, Austria, England, Switzerland, and Italy, for the years worth of expressive, personal writings, and for all of the music I've collected since CD's first came out.

Candles have been placed around the bubble bath and a pint of Ben and Jerry's slowly thaws in the steam (the only friends who truly know how to bring comfort at times like these). I will be spending the next few hours trying my best to ignore the ever annoying "if only"'s.

A memorial service will be held later this week. I am asking only close friends to attend.

shrugging my shoulders

2008-09-01T07:44:00.004-05:00

I wanna mistake why cant I make a mistake?
Im always doing what I think I should
Almost always doing everybody good
Why

- Fiona Apple, A Mistake

Have you ever done something you thought you were never capable of doing? Right after, there’s the thought, “How did I get here? This isn’t me.”

Oh but it is you. And you know all too well the steps you decided to take along the way that ended you up where you are. And while a part of you may be shocked, the other part, the one we tend to listen to, shrugs its shoulders as you say to yourself, “oh well.

“What’s done is done.”

It’s an awful feeling when you realize the quandary you are in. You are in too deep to put it in reverse, yet enjoying it too much to put on the brakes. And so, you’ll just see where it goes, hang on tight, and hope it’s the best mistake you’ve ever made.

one in six

2008-08-29T05:04:00.010-05:00

Painting with a White Border, Wassily Kandinksy, 1913

So it's the start of a new semester: days filled with running from building to building, hoping to get my favorite seat, taking pages and pages of notes, getting writers cramp, sleeping through boring lectures, sleeping through good lectures, homework to do, tests to study for... the list could go on forever.

I was a little nervous. Having just spent a wonderful year abroad in Paris, where the education of french and art history was taught on the streets, in the stores, or studying art at the museums themselves, not from a textbook, but from the Louvre, Musée d'Orsay, or le Centre Pompidou... well, needless to say, it was a great year that lacked the discipline and intrigue needed for life at an american university.

But I have little respect for transitions and boundaries - i like to jump right into the deep end and see if i can figure it out from there. Sometimes I am a world class swimmer, rarely I drown. So I enrolled in 18 credit hours (6 classes) plus my part time job where I am practically begging the manager to give me a shift supervisor position (meaning more hours, more work, more responsibility).

Ok, now on to why I chose Kandinsky's painting for my blog. With each new semester, there is a fear that the professors are going to be crap. Some seem hardly literate and I often wonder why they have the right to stand up in front of 100's of hungry minds and claim they have knowledge to share. Others seem heartless, uncaring. Most disappoint me and I end up feeling like I have paid them to do nothing for me. My least favorites, however, are the ones that teach without respect for the ideas they disagree with.

This year is no different. I have the professor who's lectures have no coherency. I have the heartless graduate student teaching me about the cathedrals I was picnicking in front of less than a year ago. She expresses no passion, no heart, and seems bored by the subject herself. I have the fat, slimmy professor who is, ironically, the only funny one. Then I have the nautral but scary challenging ones.

But best of all, there is my favorite, the one who always stands out as an amazing professor. And this year, it's the professor of my 400 level modern art history class, who stands up in front of class and tears apart a painting in a way that sheds new light on the forms that are seemingly abstract blobs of nothing representing only the free spirit of the painter. He incorporates philosophies from that time, as well as the writings from the artist on his work. Who would have thought that that painting above required the ideas of 4 philosophers to fully grasp?

Would you have ever guessed that Painting with a White Border is actually the 4th century legend of Saint George slaying the dragon? Would you have ever been able to recognize the following images: a dragon, Saint George on a horse with his lance, a russian troika (sled led by 3 horses), and an angel blowing a trumpet? Would you have ever imagined that this painting represents the artists as the savior (St George), saving the Princess (Art) from the dragon (passed ideals established by the academia of what makes art good, especially those looking back to Greek times)?

Not only did he simply tell us that that was what we were looking at, he also showed us through older paintings, sketches, and studies by Kandinsky, illustrating the same imagery that eventually evolved into what we now see as a finished piece of work. What seems to be a mass of chaos, color, and line took 5 months to complete and represents the time in history where artists took art into their own hands, not for the sake of art itself, but for the sake of the artist, the viewer, and the pivotal moment of history where the world of art changed forever.

It's such a relief when a professor can bring light to the mind of his students. If I were never to return to his lectures, I would still feel as if I got my money's worth with just the 2 classes i've had with him already.

haunted by the naked man

2008-08-22T23:24:00.008-05:00

So I was walking around town today, minding my own business, going from one place to another when suddenly... guess who I bumped into? Well, if you haven't caught on by now from the title, then why are you even here?

The guy I drew naked about a month ago.

Although this should seem very normal, it was odd. He looked at me. I looked at him. And he knew that I saw him standing before me with no clothes on and he saw that I had no pencil or paper in hand. All I could do was snicker in my mind and think.... "um... I saw you naked... hehehe," and run away. Fast. I wish that I were a bit more mature to handle such a chance encounter but it turns out I'm not.

Well, let's just say it's mostly because that class was just so awkward in the first place but also because he was wearing this giant oversized, suspiciously women's-looking hawaiian button down shirt on what I already know to be a very lanky body.

Ok I'll stop. He's awkward and it was awkward and I don't know if I have been too traumatized to ever return to that class and get my "money's worth."

Book Review: Tweak by Nic Sheff

2008-08-21T20:34:00.019-05:00

I enjoy books that take me out of my own world, placing me at the center of someone else's, who's experiences are far from my own and who live a life I will most likely never experience. Though impossible for me to read without putting down, Tweak most certainly succeeded.

Unlike the exaggerated account of A Million Little Pieces by James Frey, Tweak depicts the harsh reality of life when experimenting leads to addiction. Despite the books dark side, I found it immensely encouraging. Though the young author's main focus was his constant battle with his addiction to meth, there was an element of morality and spiritual growth, which I found more captivating than his meanderings in San Francisco, his obsession with a celebrity lover, and his constant battle with drugs.

For instance, Nic expresses his desires to become a man of integrity; trustworthy, and faithful to his loved ones. He writes about the shame that came with his actions (shocking even to himself) while under the influence and how that shame transcended into his sober life, to the point where he didn't want to be seen by his family because he couldn't even look at himself. For him, their love only mirrored his unworthiness and mistakes, which were seemingly unbearable to face.

Nic also writes about his struggles with believing in God. At one point, he got into the habit of praying frequently each day, always thanking God for the little things he had done. I found this element of the book inspiring. Even if Nic was never able to believe, the devotion he showed in the process of trying reminded me (and hopefully other readers) that I can build up my spiritual life simply through remembering to thank God for all he has done for me (so simple, yet so often forgotten).

Towards the end of the book, after relapsing and heading for rehab in Arizona, Nic writes about facing the resentment he had built up against himself. Through the daunting task of dealing with his self-hate, he began to love and accept himself. This in-turn allowed him to accept the love of his close friends and family, necessary to begin repairing the damages caused by years of drug addiction. Reading about his gratifying experiences in facing his demons has helped me begin to look at the things I may be resenting myself for, all in the hope of finding a deeper self-appreciation and forming a healthier psychology.

I often wonder why the author decided to write about his experiences in the present tense. Was it for the reader to grasp the essence of his experiences and how real they are to him? Was it because he is still living with the weight and horror of his past life, unable to move on? Or was it because he has embraced the past and is now able to look at it full on?

I certainly recommend Tweak to those that are interested in the experiences and perspective of a drug addict. It has given me a lot of compassion and understanding towards those dealing with drug addiction. It reminded me that we are all in the same boat: we're all human. Sure the circumstances may be different, but we all have our own vices, we all deal with self-loathing, and we are all trying to become someone greater.

I also highly recommended Beautiful Boy, written by his father, David Sheff.

USA Cities

2008-08-12T22:15:00.004-05:00

So this is going to be one of those annoying posts where I have to tell you I won't be available to write for awhile. I am taking a get-away vacation with a friend flying over here tomorrow. I'll be showing her the greatness of the area I in while doing a bit of traveling myself.

So..... I thought I would leave you some silly facts about the cities of the USA. Enjoy:

In NYC it is possible for people on the top of a skyscraper to see snow falling while the people on the ground see rain.
Kansas city has more fountains than Rome.
San Francisco has one of the largest Asian communities outside of an Asian country.
Denver lays claim to the invention of the cheeseburger, and yet it's the skinniest city in the US.
Seattle was the first city in the US to play a Beatles song on the radio.
In Houston, it is illegal to sell Limburger cheese on Sunday.
The Philadelphia Mint produces 26 million pennies per day.

And here's one I found that sort of relates to Hawaii (well, Honolulu if you want to keep with the city theme) being that they have a billion cockroaches:

A cockroach can live several weeks with its head cut off. Cause of death: starvation.

Have a good week and hope you all are enjoying the rest of summer!

short story

2008-08-09T12:56:00.006-05:00

An excerpt from my art book:

Three little seeds blew with the wind, over valleys, through trees, with the birds, and finally landed where they were to be planted.

The first little seed tried to grow its roots, but every way it sought fresh, moist soil, a hard rock blocked it's path. "I'll never know how tall I was to grow. This isn't where I should have been planted." Discouraged the little seed stopped trying and died.

The second little seed quickly grew its roots, and found many other neighboring plants to grow with. But with time, the neighbors refused to share and soon stopped the little seed from spreading its roots towards fresh water and nutrients. "I'll never know how bright my colors were to be. This isn't where I should have been planted." Discouraged, the little seed withered down to the ground and died.

The third little seed saw how the others were unable to grow. He knew there were rocks in the soil and many weeds surrounded him, but the little seed refused to let this discourage him. The little seed looked up to the sky, bright blue dotted with fluffy, white clouds. And as the sun beamed down on him, he pushed his roots around the rocks, and he ignored the threats of the weeds. He grew tall, "I'll reach the clouds." He bloomed many colorful flowers, "I'll color the sky," he said, "for this is where I was planted."

Create

2008-08-07T20:58:00.008-05:00

So i got these magazines and now i have set about ripping them to shreds, cutting out phrases, letters, words, colors, textures, shapes - different things different pages. I am regretting getting Health, and wish I had ordered Marie Claire (is it too late to cancel???). Who cares about push ups when I can read about pumps? Where was my logic when I needed it most?

So, here is the first page of my blank journal, no longer a blank journal. I am having fun being creative and wish I had never gone to college in the first place - I wish I had gone on to study fashion photography instead. Why can't i go back five years and hit myself over the head with my camera? I think there is a way I can mold my career into a great sculpture but I am unsure how.

Well, enough babbling, here's my work (bad photo, i know. I have bad lighting in my apartment):

Create - to enrich your life and inspire your best self

I have about 30 french magazines (Vogue, Elle, Marie Claire, La Maison Française, etc), they make my mouth water sitting untouched on my shelves... such perfect and pristine, clean and crisp pages... such beautiful words... I don't have the guts to cut them open and rearrange them on my paper, they are practically holy.

But the American magazines are seriously boring. We'll have to see.

finally time to subscribe

2008-08-07T14:10:00.004-05:00

I enjoyed my Body + Soul magazine so much, I decided to splurge and finally subscribe to some magazines. I couldn't decide which to get, Elle or Marie Claire, both incredibility classic.... so I got neither. Perhaps next time as I am leaning towards Marie Claire.

Other than that, here is what I decided on:

I only wish I could have ordered Elle Décor en français... mais bon.

a day in the park

2008-08-06T14:36:00.005-05:00

Something about today felt so peaceful. I woke up with a smile, and just started off to a great start. By noon I was ready to hit the road and drive out to one of the national parks around here. I brought with me all the essentials:

My camera
3 books, Tweak by Nic Sheff, the book of poems I bought of EE Cummings, and The Tao of Pooh
My new, still empty journal
Pens, colored pencils
Water
A blanket for the grass

I felt clothed by the trees and the wind, protected and safe in natures arms. I relaxed and breathed and listened to the tickling trees. The cool breeze reminded me that summer is coming to an end, and so I continue to take advantage of the day, this peaceful summer day.

For doing your own photo collage, check this out.

Miss Jadie

2008-08-05T22:16:00.006-05:00

I decided to post about Jade today, an until now silent part of my every day life.

Taking care of a parrot, well, a parrotlet (the smallest of the parrot species) is more than just getting her fresh seed, water, and cleaning up her cage everyday. It also includes cooking her dishes that are healthier than the things I eat myself, playing with her, "training" her, and most importantly, letting her bite me, chew holes in my clothing, and who can forget, poop on me and all over my apartment.

The fun thing about her though, is that she has so much personality packed into her little 5 inch green body. She has favorite toys, favorite foods, and she loves being out of her cage and near me, if not on me. She even has a consistent bed time of 6:30!

I used to worry that my crazy antics might scare her. I thought maybe I'd often freak her out as I run around my apartment or make a sudden movement throwing my hands in the air and letting out a somewhat loud squeal as I streeetch out my back. If she were Sheeba, she would have darted underneath the couch unsure if she should come back out for the remainder of the afternoon. However I suppose Jade's instincts go all the way back to her ancestors' Jungle Days and I just can't seem to faze her.

Oddly enough, put a new toy in her cage, and she won't go near it for days!

Oh little Jadie...

heavy skies

2008-08-04T12:19:00.005-05:00

my head has been clouded with deep thoughts the last couple of days, perhaps weeks. I took a break from it in my writing and even though it was a nice rest from expression, perhaps it has all built up inside of me and now it's time for me to just let this all out.

One of the questions I have been trying to leave unanswered and more up to wonder is "where do i find God?" Though I am searching, though I am reading my Bible, praying, and looking in other things like Taoism, yoga, biking, and pilates as forms of devotion, worship and meditation, i still feel so alone and far from reaching that seemingly illusive spiritual euphoria with God and his ever white and pure cloud of faith and righteousness, hope and love. Part of me thinks that I should stop trying to push the envelop and just let God envelope me... but then I have "seek and you will find" ringing over and over in my head.

Something also pressing me is the fact that I have very little direction and hope for life after college. I have a year and unless I pick up some more interesting things for my resume, the coffee shop is pretty much all I will have. The key to finding a job relies on networking and that seems impossible as i feel i am in the middle of hopeless nowhere. I have very few immediate outlets for networking, and networking is already difficult being the introvert that I am.

In my head, i feel as if i am pushing harder and harder for the next thing, trying really hard to take a step forward with some sort of mental Jedi power as my opportunities and direction are not moving. the more i push inside for growth, the more my circumstances fail me and mental powers are getting me nowhere but exhausted. You know when you are walking up the stairs, and you think there is one more step so you account for that with your feet, and then suddenly nothing is there and you kinda do this strange stomp/fall? I feel like i am doing that over and over and over again. And it's annoying and frustrating.

While 1/2 of my essence is striving forward, another part of me is telling me to hold back. It's telling me that I need to spend more time focused on nurturing myself and not my future: read a good book, read my favorite magazines, write, hike, draw, pursue volunteering with animals, relax, laugh and have a good time. Most importantly, stop searching so hard for things I can't even do right now anyways and rely on time to present opportunities. I should be focusing on creating the moments I'll love, not the lifetime.

Perhaps. But the more I turn my attention away from the future, the more I freak out about it!

Everything just needs to stop for a second so I can catch up. But things are going faster and faster with each passing day.

meow

2008-08-03T13:16:00.008-05:00

My friend sent me this video and I have to say, it reminded me so much of my cat Sheeba (especially the face poking), who left this earth for Kitty Heaven almost a year ago already.

I miss Sheeba dearly, I miss cats dearly, and I can't wait for when the right moment comes for me to adopt another, though now is not that time. :(

The video is from a series called Simon's Cat. Enjoy

in the shopping bag

2008-08-02T18:36:00.009-05:00

I took a trip to the local book store and grabbed a few must haves. Here is what I brought home:

a book full of wonderful poetry by one of america's finest

yet another blank journal due to some new inspiration, and soon to be covered with sources of inspiration, discoveries, and hopes

and the latest copy of my favorite magazine

Which all makes for a wonderful evening spent at home with my closest friend and a bottle of wine.

year-old sentiments

2008-08-01T22:31:00.007-05:00

I went to a bar with my friends tonight. I hadn't been there since I left for Paris last summer. The bathroom walls are covered in sharpie markings; quotes, notes, i love blanks... I'm reading a few of them, some quite interesting when I find a marking that has all too familiar handwriting. It read:

"To my favorite Barista's, I'm going to miss you so much. Don't forget me, be here when I get back. Vive la France. ~A Barista, 06/12/07"

It was from me, tagged more than a year ago, yet still there on the wall, unpainted over, no writing over it, left by me. And yet, there I am again reading over my old handwriting, having forgotten that I left that message. Only one person I worked with last year remains a close contact, all others pretended to be interested however upon arrival they show little interest in connection even though we all live in the same little tiny town.

This summer, it is my one old friend leaving me this time... only for good.

In fact, all on the same day, my three closest friends will disperse in different directions. I came back from Paris anxious and ready to make new friends, only to have them leave, which I wasn't prepared for.

I feel really alone, yet my old note on the wall serves as a reminder that the emotions and concerns of today are temporary, as fleeting as the day itself.

I miss Paris, let's go for a walk

2008-08-01T15:37:00.005-05:00

That's better. But I still want to return home. Nothing is like Paris.